Date: Jun. 19, 2002
Time: 4:54 AM
My current mood is:
I'm Tired Of
Suddenly I feel panicky and depressed. I don't know why. Kind of just swarmed over me for no good reason. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of the familier twinge of pain in the left side of my chest. I'm tired of my shoulder hurting everyday. I'm tired of being too weak to lift the things I used to. I'm tired of my dad ordering me around. I'm tired of the perpetual red bruise on my knuckle of my right hand from purging. I'm tired of going to sleep at 6:30am every morning and waking up at 4pm. I'm tired of having no life other then work or sitting at home. I'm tired of my room looking like the remains of Hiroshima. I'm tired of being hungry. I'm tired of being stupid, ugly, and worthless. I'm tired of causing problems. I'm tired of not being able to solve other peoples problems, because I should be able to. I'm tired of being a burden on others. I'm tired of having too much then I deserve. I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of not suffering as much as I deserve to. I'm tired of getting bitched at. I'm tired of pretending to be ok. I'm tired of wearing a fake smile. I'm tired of keeping it all inside day after day. I'm tired of taking too much. I'm tired of people just not leaving me alone. I'm tired of having no one. I'm tired of feeling like I'm 80 years old, when I should feel like I'm 22. I'm tired of taking things so personally, and reading so deeply into things that no one else does. I'm tired of wanting. I'm tired of being cold. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of everyone else. I'm tired of everything not working out. I'm tired of everyone still being in love with their exgirlfriends, and wanting to just be friends. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being wrong. I'm tired of the smell of toilet water. I'm tired of not being thin. I'm tired of medication. I'm tired of the chemical properties of my tap water. I'm tired of restaruants always supersizing their meals. I'm tired of having rape dreams. I'm tired of my aunt always yelling at me and critisizing me, trying to make me feel bad about myself. I'm tired of TV making fun of eating disorders(anyone watch Son Of The Beach recently?? grrrr) I'm tired of my computer only having 1.06 GB left of free space left on it. I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm a weirdo. I'm tired of...of...well, actually I'm too tired right now to think of anything else, so there you have it. This entry was ripped off by me from the Eminem song "If I Had".
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