Date: 06-14-02 Time: 2:23 AM My current mood is: My sister's graduation Fucking fat ass!!! Ufff, I disgust myself. I ate almost 2,000 calories today, normal amount! I'm so gross. And I'm a total wuse too. Earlier my hands and fingers were going numb, especially my fingertips, I really couldn't feel them. I looked at them and they were a whitish-greyish color. I hate when that happens(happens periodicly). It was my sisters graduation from high school tonight. Julie and I went, hung out towards the back and cracked jokes and bad mouthed the people we recognized from when we were in high school. This guy Jesse came over to us, he's the younger brother of this girl we used to be friends with is high school. We talked with him for a bit and reminised ("I remember when you were only *this* big!"), man, I gotta say he's HOT now! Before he was just Jesse, Amanda's little brother, but now he's 20 and he's got it goin' on! So there I am, checking him out the whole time, when half way through the conversation I suddenly remember...oh my god, MY SISTER WENT OUT WITH HIM A FEW YEARS AGO! EEK! Bad bad me! I can't check out my sister's ex! How very wrong. Afterwards Julie and I gushed about how hot he is now. Oh, and while he was talking to us, he mentioned that Dom, my ex was there, eek! I haven't seen him in forever! He's this loser I went out with, my "high school sweetheart/first love" guy. Blech! He's gross. I wanted to see him, but we didn't see him anywhere, which was probably good cause he was all obsessed with me. After it ended and people were just walking around congradulating, my dad said my aunt was here, Julie and I went to go say hi to her. We said hi, and then she said she wanted to go say hi to my dad(my dad is still not on speaking terms with her AT ALL), she just likes to cause trouble and be dramatic. So she went over to him and his girlfriend Donna and kissed him hello, he was talking with a group of people so he was just polite to her but stand offish. So she starts walking away and then says "He's RUDE!" infront of the group of people, she's soooo melodramatic! *rolls eyes* Ahh, the maturity level of my family, gotta love it. So then me, Julie, my dad, Donna, my sister and her friend went out to eat. While we were waiting to be seated, Julie kept making comments about how she was fat, she is FAR from fat! Geez. I kept telling her that she was being silly, she's not fat at ALL. I saw this girl that worked there, I was in AWE! She was in her 20's, and had the body of a skinny 10 year old. I was envious as shit. Yes, I know that's sick of me to say, but it's true. Her complete lack of a body made me wish soooo much that I could look like that. It was at this time, waiting to be seated, that my fingers started going numb. My nerves in my hands/arms started getting wacky too, I don't know what that means but it happens sometimes now. Like if I move my arm I'll get a twitch of pain. *shrug* I decided while ordering that I wouldn't throw up my meal, cause the numbness in my fingers was getting pretty bad, while I was eating I kept having to put my hands down by my sides to try to get some blood flowing back into them again, it was pretty bothersome. Uff, even now as I type, my fingers are getting cold and my pinky is starting to get numbish. As we were leaving, I saw that super skinny girl that worked there sit down to eat, I immediatly looked to see what she was eating....a salad! Come on now, she's gotta be ana! When I went home, I looked in the mirror at myself and thought how gross I looked. I have too much of a body. My boobs are too big. I wish I was a size A! They make me look fat. I want my body to be nothing. Boobs make me look healthy. So anyway, Donna totally kissed ass by giving my sister all these presents for graduation, she doesn't even LIKE my sister. I don't even bother paying any attention to Donna anymore, I figure why even bother pretend to be nice if my dad's dumping her soon anyway? Earlier my dad pissed me off trying to sound like he's all better then me. Julie brought up a bottle of...what's it called...damn...some type of little citris flavored mix drink, nothing strong. My dad says to me "You're becoming an expert with alcohol eh?". I looked at him and asked "What do you mean?" I forget exactly how the conversation went, but basicly something like him saying "Well you got a stash of alcohol down in your room, and you finished off that whole thing of vodka", me:"What the hell are you talking about? Yes I have alcohol in my room. Don't you have alcohol downstairs too? And I don't know what vodka you're talking about" him:"Yes I have alcohol downstairs but *I* don't drink it"(said in a snobby tone). What the fuck??? Like he's so much better then me because he has alcohol but doesn't drink it? So this makes me what, a bad person? A weak person? Just the way he said it, like oh he's so special because he has alcohol but he doesn't drink it....then WHY EVEN HAVE IT? And what is he talking about me finishing a bottle of vodka?? Obviously I didn't drink it all myself! But anytime he sees an empty bottle of anything he assumes I drank ALL of it. Why? He's never once seen me drunk. I have never been in trouble in my life with anything alcohol related. He has no reason to assume I would drink a whole bottle of anything. Why does he accuse me of something any chance he can find? Oh well, who knows, who cares. Ok this entry is mighty long, I will end it now. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: