Date: Mar. 21, 2002 Time: 11:30 PM My current mood is: Alone. "I've changed I've tired to live the way you do I've foreseen problems animosity enraging Forward futures doomed in my eyes I was raped of my mind control was never my possession guided like a puppet on a thread that was ready, ready to break Emotions stronger, stronger than ever before Burning inside, my weakness counting the times repetition starving I'm raging against time Out of line I've had enough I've suffered long enough I'm wasting all my time Out of line I've had enough I've suffered long enough Hey, if you hear me, listen to my words I've taken just about everything I'm through with being hurt"- I've Suffered Long Enough by Razed In Black Yes I know I just wrote an entry, but you know what TOO BAD. In the past half hour I've been listening to that song by Razed In Black and getting drunk by myself, yes I'm *that* cool. I recommend listening to that song, it's really really good. I figured I'd make another entry not pertaining to the stupid dad issue. Last night I went to go see 2 german industrial bands, XPQ-21 and Funker Vogt, yay! XPQ-21 was really good, I think I'll download some of their stuff. There was one song that was so good, he kept yelling into the microphone like he was in such torment, the whole song seemed to be about pain. Too bad I don't know what song it is, I'm just downloading random songs by them maybe I will come across it. Speaking of music, right now I am listening to VNV Nation. I wish the world wasn't so cold, or for that matter, I wish I didn't always feel so cold emotionally. I feel so empty and alone. Tonight I feel like I could cry, but of course I won't because I think I've forgotten how to. I can't remember the last time I did. Any time I do cry, it's usually like one or two tears and that's it. I like never actually cry or sob. I hate this, I feel like I can't show emotion. Even with the whole dad issue, everyone is so emotional about it, and I'm just....there. It bothers me, but if asked I never give my opinion, and always remain silent and straight faced. Why am I not mad? I feel like I need to be around emotional people so they can feel the emotion for me, and express what I cannot. I wish I could meet a guy, I know this seems to have nothing to do with what I'm talking about, but I just wish I had someone to care about, someone to talk to, someone to hug me. Someone who would allow me to become emotional, to bring it out of me. I'm so cold, so very cold inside. Only my rum and diet coke here to keep me company. Oh yes, I am just sooooo cool I'm drinking alone. That's because I AM alone, always will be. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: