Date: Mar. 18, 2002
Time: 11:58 PM
My current mood is:
Subconcious mind
You know what I hate? Hmmm....what's the word. Subconcious stuff, grrr, once again my lack of being able to adequetly put my thoughts into words fails me. Like when something happens, and you are reminded suddenly of it happening when you were a child and you feel odd....things like that are lame, because I don't like to think that things affect me much, yet obviously if that happens then it did? I was going to write about this days ago actually but I forgot, and was reminded because I am talking about this subject right now with This Person. The other day when I was at Christopher's, he showed me his whip/flogger that he bought(he's into S&M). He jokingly hit me with it and I got all serious and backed away, telling him NOT to do that again!! Whenever people do that, like playfully hit me with things or jokingly crack their belt, I get afraid, it freaks me out. I'm not saying I'm an abuse victum or anything, I just didn't like getting hit when I was a kid. I feel stupid for that even affecting me because dur I'm such a drama queen, it wasn't that big of a deal you know? He just spanked, hit, and sometimes hit me with the belt. Once he sprained my thumb really badly, of course he wouldn't take me to the docter either. But all kids get hit right? Just odd when your mom tells you that your dad used to hit you just to see you cry. Something else that just the fact that I get bothered, really bothers me, you know those potty training commercails they've been having on tv lately? This is kind of embarrising to even say, but for some reason when I see them I feel awful inside, ashamed and angry. The kids on the commercial are all happy about it, and I feel like punching them all out. Why?? What the fuck?? That's such an odd thing, and I don't even want to know why I have such strongly bad feelings about potty training....ew! I mean that's gross thing to have issues with. And it really bugs me cause I don't understand what issues I would have with that. I was so young I don't remember it at all. Just those damn commercials, make me feel awful. God I'm so embarrised for even mentioning that. SOmething happened though, just don't know what. Another thing of mine like that that I have mentioned before, is my aversion to the flushing of public restroom toilets! LOL! The thing is, it really does bug me and I totally freak out. I mean obviously I still flush them cause I'm not gross, but it freaks the shit out of me. This phobia stems from when I was really little, and I used a public restroom and the toilet broke when I flushed it and overflowed or something. I don't really remember very clearly, just remember bawling my eyes out and my dad telling it's ok, and to calm down. Hmmm...wonder if I have any other odd things that bother me stemming from my childhood?
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