Date: Feb. 25, 2002
Time: 3:55 PM
My current mood is:
A poem I wrote and my aunt's booggers
*By the way, I am in the middle of changing my layout for this diary, so don't mind if it looks odd*
I wasn't going to write an entry today, simply for the fact that I had nothing to say. My aunt just randomly came over though, so I guess I'll talk about that. She's so odd. She came over for like a half an hour and in that time cried twice! The second time as she cried, I watched in horror as her nose slowely ran, seeping into her mouth. That's absolutly disgusting. That's one thing I can't stand about her(yes, one of the many), that when she cries, she doesn't blow her nose and eats it, nasty! I told her about how I am dating Christopher, and she kept saying "Oh he's getting his PhD, he's smart!". I remember she used to tell me when I was younger that I should hang out in front of Harvard and pretend I go there, so I can meet some smart rich guy, ha! She's so odd and annoying. Oh last night I wrote a poem, after franticly searching for a battery for the new scale I bought(yes digital!), unfortunatly I couldn't find one though. Mind you, this is first draft randomly written at 1am: I stare in the mirror,
my only adornments a bra and underwear
Imagining what he will see when he sees me like this.
My eyes search the reflection
trying to find a glimpse of sexiness he might find in me.
My eyes strain for a glimmer of hope
but there is none
All I see is disgust
this round mis-shapen form, absolutly horrifying.
My putrid self.
I turn to the side
Who is this person?
What was once familier now is someone elses form.
A stomach which should have been a straight line
save for my pertruding ribs and hip bones
now curved outwards like a pregnent woman 8 months along.
I feel like a car accident
on the side of the road.
The kind where people simultaniously are horrified
yet driven by the sick desire to catch a glimpse
at the mangled bloodied carcuses.
Such as I have become,
the horrified guilty speculator.
And tomorrow,both will morf into sameness
as I step on the scale
and realize truely just how
dispicable I have become.
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