Date: Feb. 09, 2002
Time: 4:25 PM
My current mood is:
yup
I'm so tired and annoyed right now. Just cause I had to get up at 6:45am this morning for work, and now I'm so tired yet can't sleep. And I'm hungry too but I don't want to eat. Grrrrr. And I want to go out with Christopher tonight, yet when I called his phone it immediatly went to his answering machine, and I'm wondering if he will get the messege since he told me he sometimes doesn't. Yet if I call again I will look like a stalker. I'm in such a complainy mood right now! Ok, I think I will have a Healthy Choice frozen dinner. It's almost dinner time anyway, whatever. So far today I had Grape Nuts, a rice cake, and an apple. Normal? Maybe? I'm convinced Grape Nuts is evil, I decided so today. I mean, they have so many calories, yet they are so good, why can't they just have the same amount of cals as a normal cereal?? I think it's like 200 calories for half a cup! Fuck that! It's pissing me off, cause every cereal we have right now is a high calorie kind, I don't know why. How annoying. The whole thing about my dad getting married has been on my mind. I keep saying I am fine with it, it's his life he should be happy. But I don't know...it's kind of bothering me. What am I going to do? What does this mean for me? I have no idea. Not to sound selfish or anything, but seriously I mean I don't even know if I'm going to be living here anymore. I talked to my friend Tammy, and said how I will probably have to move out. She asked why, saying my dad never said I had to leave. That's true, but I guess I still feel like when they get married I will be a third wheel. I mean really, why would they want me around? She's not mean or anything, and I would totally understand if she didn't want me here. Or there....she has her own house too, what if they live there instead? What if I can have this house all to myself? YES! Hehe, that would rule. Ok back to reality. My sister is pissed, she said to my dad "You promised mom when she was sick that you would wait to remarry till after I left for college", and he said "Well I was just saying that, I didn't really mean it. I only promised that cause she was sick.", how fucking rude!!! I think he should wait, I mean my sister is almost graduated high school, going to be going into college next year, to add another stress to her life I think would be unfair, you know? It's hard at that age. Ok something else that REALLY pisses me off is stupid passive-aggressive shit! Once again, I went downstairs to find the heat turned down. WHY?? What the fuck? Every single day, my dad turns the heat down so it's cold, and everyday I turn it back up. Why can't he just leave it? Why does he want me to freeze? I keep telling him to stop it, but he won't. Can he be more annoying? Yes, he can. The other day I threw a cigerette butt out on the driveway next to my car. The next day, the cigerette butt was sitting on the front seat of my car. Now, why can't he have the balls to just say something to me about it? Instead of being fucking annoying? I hate that. Seriously, just say something to me, don't stink up my car like stale cigerettes, that's lame. Ok, just had to get that out of my system. Last night I went over Mike's and hung out with him and Hilary. We watched some lame vampire movie, and I played a computer game that had Eddie Murphy in it! It was so funny, I now have the theme song in my head. Back to the eating thing, I don't think eating is getting any easier. Maybe I am just expecting to be normal way too soon, I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I still feel like a failure for eating so much, and feel like the less I eat the better. Whenever I eat around 2,000 calories I feel stupid and fat, and like I said a failure. I feel better keeping my caloric intake in the 1,000's.
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