Date: Feb. 01, 2002 Time: 1:22 AM My current mood is: Pale white skin God I'm so fucking bored. I have nothing to do... just listen to Jack Off Jill and surf the net aimlessly. What else is there to do at 1:30am anyway. So ya, today was totally pointless, all I did was lie around and skip classes. Why? I don't know, I just felt apathetic and shitty. I don't know what my problem is. I've been feeling especially heartbroken the past couple days. I don't know why, I guess I just feel extra solitary. I hate this feeling, this stupid insipid feeling of wanting someone. Blech! Love is DUMB. I find myself searching, searching for one who will be for me, but no one, no one is what I find. God I'm so pathetic, I shouldn't care, I should be HAPPY that I am single. Stupid relationships, there is no point to them. I am an impenetratable brick wall, solid, I need no one, nothing. At least that's what I wish. Truthfully, I think I really just won't ever find someone right for me. And maybe even if I find them, will I fuck it up? Probably. Am I capable of having a relationship even? I don't even know really. I know that sounds lame, but I feel like I am unable to show emotion since Bud. John emailed me back about me being concerned, saying thank you for the concern and that no he's not mad at me, that he's never been mad at me ever. It put a smile on my face to know that :) I gotta say, the song "Strawberry Gashes" by Jack Off Jill is one of the only songs I've ever heard about cutting, except for "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails. That's too bad, lots of people do it I think it would help if more people talked about it. I'm not saying people should make like whole albums over it or anything. This song is so kick ass though, I love it. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: