Date: Jan. 20, 2002 Time: 8:28 PM My current mood is: The death of a cow I decided I'm going to get a frog. We have these really cute ones at work, they stick to your hand. Maybe tomorrow I will get one. Today was fairly lame, just worked all day. I had mad urges to cut myself, at one point I even looked around at work for something to cut myself with, the only things I could find were very rusty, I figure I don't really want to get tetnis, however you spell it. So I ended up not, but had I found something I would have. I've been so depressed lately, every day I just can't shake it. One thing is that I've been eating a LOT. I haven't been puking either, so in a way I am eating kind of normal. Well, maybe normal for a compulsive overeater or something. Maybe that is why I'm depressed? Every day I wanna fucking die. I never want to hang out with anyone anymore either. I can't bring myself to call anyone, and if I do hang out it's cause I'm forcing myself. Not that I don't like my friends, I just am being anti-social, I don't know why. The only thing I feel most comfortable doing is lying in bed. That's seriously all I really want to do. I look forward to just crawling into bed and ignoring the world, maybe watch some tv. I know I sound wicked lame. It's just the one thing that doesn't make me feel miserable. Lately I've been having dreams about death. Last night I saw a cow get slaughtered. It was hanging by it's hind legs, and the guy slit it's throat. A couple nights before I dreamed that I failed a class in school, so my punishment was that I must be shot. They lined me and others up exicution style, then shot me. Except I didn't die, so I just pretended I was dead, figureing I could excape later. So pretty much the whole dream was me pretending I was dead, trying hard not to breath much so they wouldn't know. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: