Date: Dec. 31, 2001 Time: 1:45 AM My current mood is: Starts off angry but ends in reptiles Rage. Bitterness. Jaded. Hurt. Depressed. Pissed off. Dying. Alone. Empty. Abandoned. Envious. Defeated. Tommorrow night......actually, it is of the AM now, so it would be tonight...is New Years Eve. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing for it, like I'm supposed to have made plans weeks if not months in advace. I still have no clue what I'm doing, I don't even really WANT to do anything. I'd be perfectly fine with just sitting at home, or maybe even going to a bar by myself and getting trashed out of my gourd, alone. I cerainly won't be spending it with Bud like I had previously thought. Still haven't heard from him. You'd think after being told by your girlfriend that you are being a dick and ignoring her, and you KNOW it is totally true, that...hmm...maybe you would CALL? Fuck him, he can go screw himself. I just still can't figure out when things went wrong, and why? I literally cannot pinpoint the time, or figure out a specific reason. What the hell? The thing that confuses me, is it's not like I'm just wanting him and he's blatently telling me he doesn't want me back. Last time we hung out, he was all over me, telling me how much he missed me, all that jazz. He really made it seem like he cares about me, why does this happen? I say that because it has happened before. A guy will give me mixed signals...saying one thing, acting another. Why can't people just not play dumb games like that. I guess what I really want is people to just say what they feel, and not be passive aggressive dicks. I want someone to just lay it out, tell me how it is, let me know what's up. I can definitly respect that in someone, a person who is honest. And they don't have to even be rude, just tell it like it is, that's all I'm asking. Well screw this, I'm DONE with relationships. Bud can kiss my ass, and so can everyone else. I'll just back to being single, perhaps get some bootie if I feel like it, but otherwise it's SOOOOOOOOOO much better being on my own! Sheesh, I've gotten so bitter lately, I think I like it, hehe. When I was doing my celebacy thing, I was soooo bitter and I loved it, I should go back to that. Plus, may I also say that I'm pissed that I have gained weight! DAMNIT! I can't stop eating, along with the puking too, and I'm positive it's all Bud's fault. It's his fault cause....ummmmm...cause I SAY it is! Ya, that's right. Still haven't gotten John's Chanukah card. I swear, he's the most nonmotivated people I've ever met. Last time I talked to him, I told him I didn't get it yet, and he's like "Ya, I'm still going to send it, these things take time" or something to that effect, lol. Well, it's the thought that counts. The other night I went to Mike's and got trashed. I ended up puking from being so drunk, I need to learn that drinking after only having eaten 2 apples for the whole day is NOT a good idea. I decided that I wouldnt mind hooking up with Luke, this guy I know who is friends with Mike and works at the radio station. I was going to try to seduce him, but the wave of alcohol induced nausia prevented me from being all that smooth. Maybe next time I see him I will try to hook up with him. Oh I bought a fishy today! A blue Betta fish, he's still in the cup I bought him in, I don't even know where to put him. I just had to buy one, cause at work today we got in 270 betta's!!!! And they each have to be in seperate cups, it pretty much took Eric and I the entire day of work to finish, it sucked majorly. I really can't wait till I get off my ass and put together my fish tank and get some fish in there, it will look awsome! I can now put a bunch of nice pretty community fish in there, instead of only being able to have 2 fish cause they kill everything else I put in the tank. I also really really want to by another reptile, probably a snake, but all the reptiles at work are doing really bad so I'm going to wait. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: