Date: Dec. 25, 2001 Time: 6:09 PM My current mood is: Alone and bitter Ouch. I was just puking, when I got this horrible pain in my forehead, as if my brain was going to pop or something! Maybe like an anurism...who knows. So I'm a bit disappointed cause I had to stop, and I still have all this chinese food and a half a bagel with cream cheese in me, liquifying into body fat. "just when everything was making sense you took away all my self-confidence" Actually the reason I was purging was mainly out of being depressed. I feel so crappy right now, thinking of how I should call Bud to wish him a merry christmas, but I don't want to. I want to be able to see how long it will take for him to call me, if he will ever again that is. And the thing is, I know if I call him, he'll invite me over for christmas, but only cause I'm on the phone and it's the right thing to do, or some shit like that. But he hasn't invited me so far, so it would only be out of obligation cause I called. Fuck him, he ignores me, then I will ignore HIM! I mean I'm still going to call, but I'll just wish him a merry christmas(cause it would be rude if I didn't), and then I'll say I have to go. I don't want to hang out with him, he's being an asshole. The thing is, I wonder if he even realizes it? I mean, does he realize our relationship is a total joke by now? Maybe it's just me? All I know is, everything was going great, he was so good to me, then all of a sudden it all stopped, it was taken away. He was taken away, and replaced with someone who couldn't give a shit. "why's it come as a surprise to think that i was so naive" I just feel so incredably alone, so forgotten. Like how little kids get a toy, and they LOVE it for like a week, then discard it never to play with it again. Damn that was a lame analogy. Should I even bother to get him a christmas present? I mean considering it's already christmas today, and he never got me anything, I think I'd feel like a loser giving him a present. Well anyway, so I've decided I'm just going to avoid him, which shouldn't be too hard considering he's not exactly breaking down my door to hang out with me anyway. I wonder how long it will take him to notice that I am avoiding him? I bet he won't even notice at all, cause he's like that. "maybe didn't mean that much but it meant everything to me" On an up note, I'm listening to a cool band right now called "My Ruin", they rock! Those quotes are not from them though, they are from Nine Inch Nails, and if you didn't know that then you need to check yo' self foo'! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: