Date: Dec. 24, 2001 Time: 5:15 PM My current mood is: Hollow, empty. Sitting here, doing nothing. All day long, lying around, watching tv, eating, puking, being depressed. There is no point, no point, no point to anything. I'm such a geek, sitting around all day not doing anything, a normal person would be hanging out with friends, cleaning, going shopping, working, SOMETHING. Not I. To tired, to depressed to do anything. I know I *should* go out tonight and hang out with friends. I guess I will. I'm still in my pajamas, it's almost dinner time. I want to just lie around the rest of the night, don't want to see anyone, but I know I *have to*. My dad just yelled at me again, blaming me again for things I didn't do. Still pissed off about the chocolate Hershey's bar. Everyone thinks I'm a fat pig, even though I didn't eat all of those stupid chocolate bars, of course I get the blame for it cause who else but fat old piggy me would eat that. Well today is Monday, still haven't heard from Bud. I think it's Christmas Eve tonight, that's funny that I don't even know, lol, but I guess since I'm not christian Christmas just doesn't really stand out in my mind. Either way, I'm assuming I am not invited to Bud's house for Christmas. Ouch. I told someone this, that he hasn't invited me yet, and they said I am not his girlfriend....hmmmm. So I don't know what to do, anytime I see him he acts all happy, yet I also get these "go away" signals. I try not to be too clingy or anything, I mean I haven't called him I don't want to be the needy stupid girlfriend. But I would really like to know where I stand. I'm wondering if I should confront him about this? Maybe i should just act distant and maybe he'll start acting undistant? I don't want him to get the satisfaction of thinking I'm pining over him or something. This is fucking lame. It really hurts to know that he is done with finals now, yet he continues not to call me, doesn't even want to hang out after not seeing me for 3 weeks. I'm thinking about Travis's number that I have in my room still......but cheating? I mean it seems like a good way to get back at him in my mind, yet I told myself that I am past that, that cheating is immature, that it is the chicken shit way out of wanting to break up with a person or not wanting to confront problems. I feel hollow, empty. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: