Date: Dec. 01, 2001 Time: 9:08 PM My current mood is: no Bud : ( :::sigh::: I feel so stupid. Bud and I haven't hung out in exactly one week, tonight we were going to hang out and I was really looking forward to it. A few minutes before I was about to leave for the train, he calls and said his mom is in the hospital, so he's there with her. She was having chest pains, I don't think she had a heart attack though, the docters are still checking it out. The reason I feel stupid is because I feel sad about not seeing him, but I know it's important for him to be with his mom, and I shouldn't be so selfish to just be thinking of myself at a time like this. It's just the thing is, I don't know when I'm going to be able to see him next. Between work and school which we both have, it's been pretty nuts lately. For some reason my mind is gone today, I can't remember anything. Both times that I went to go take my diet pills, I came to see I had already taken them. I kept getting so confused, wondering what happened to them then realizeing I took them an hour ago. Then I was trying to remember how many times I purged today and I couldn't recall. I think 3? Today just seems like a haze. I'm trying not to go purge again, what the fuck. McDonalds is right down the street, an easy binge....I'm such a loser! Why do I binge and purge if I'm trying to lose weight? I mean it doesn't help at all. Oh well, I'm happy cause I'm in my thin jeans today, the pair of jeans that I can never fit into cause they are a size 14 in childrens! Now I am wearing them, and they aren't even tight on me or anything. Well I don't know whatelse to say, except that I'm in a crappy mood now, I was all happy about seeing Bud but I'm like never going to get to see him ever again. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: