Date: Nov. 16, 2001 Time: 12:16 PM My current mood is: food issues Yesterday I felt like total shit. All day, I felt so fat and hidious. I think to most normal people, hearing me say that, I would sound so shallow and like some stupid valley girl or something. It's not like that, I mean I felt like I was going to literally cry all day, cause I felt so worthless and desgusting. Well anyway, I asked Bud if he thought I was heavy, and he was like "Are you crazy?? You're so skinny!" I was like ummmm ok you don't have to exaggerate. He went on to say I'm the skinniest girl of all the girls he knows/is friends with. And he compaired me to his best friend Elizabeth, saying how she weighs 50lbs more then I do. I told him that she doesn't even look it though, she looks normal weight. And he was like "ya, she's normal weight, and she's 50lbs more then you! You're skinny!" Whatever, I don't think so. If I'm so skinny, then why when I look in the mirror do I just see someone who is chunky? I don't evn know why I felt so fat yesterday, I was even wearing my "thin pants", you know, the ones that don't fit you unless you're underweight. They're a size 16 in boys(childrens) pants. Bud also told me the other day that he wished I would show off my body more. Hmmmm. I just wear what I look good in....baggy clothes that my fat rolls aren't visable in! I told him I don't have the body for tight revealing clothes, but he said that I definitly do. I feel bad, cause I don't want to be unsexy for him, but at the same time whenever I wear revealing clothes, I look in the mirror and think oh my god I look disgusting! Maybe I'll wear more revealing clothes once I lose more weight. 5 more pounds, then I'll be ok to wear those kind of clothes. I went out drinking with Katie the other day, I'm so glad we hung out! We're both always so busy, we never get to anymore. It was so fun though, we got drunk and sang kariokie(however you spell it), we did a Prince song, hehe. She told me that she's starting to have issues with food and weight again. I asked her why, she said she didn't know but that she's been at the same weight for a year now, and that it makes her feel fat. I tried to give her advice, tell her that she in no way needs to lose weight, that's she's the type of person that doesn't need to worry about weight at all. I felt like such a hypocrite though, whenever she talks to me about this kind of stuff, I feel like such a phoney. I mean she knows I have food issues, so it's not a secret, I just feel like I can't help very much. I'm always afraid I'm going to make her worse. How am I supposed to encourage her to eat normally, when I don't?? Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: