Date: Oct. 05, 2001 Time: 11:46 AM My current mood is: went to the docters I went to the docters today, it was sooooo embarrising! He asked me all kinds of questions about my puking and stuff. The EKG I took ended up being normal, and they didn't finish all the blood work but so far he said my blood platlets are low, and I have Ketones in my urine. Oh my god, something else that is SO EMBARRISING!!! Bud told me last night about "the way we met". Ok, see, I met him through this girl that I was friends with online. We ended up hanging out one night with some people, and he was there. What I didn't know, what Bud told me last night, is that she had a personal ad on the internet looking for a girl to have a threesome with her boyfriend and to make a porn movie! So basicly, that's why I was there that night, they were planning to make a porn with me! AaaahhhH!!! So anyway, Bud new about this, and so he thought I was some weird porno chick. In a way it's cool though, that he knew that and still wanted to get to know me and stuff. He swore that's not why he wanted to hang out with me, that he wanted to get to know me without any of that, and I believe him. That's so weird though, I was like NO WAY would I have done that! Thats fucked up. Hehe. Well, obviously nothing happened with them, I wasn't even aware that it was the plan to seduce me, I guess they saw I was flirting with Bud and gave it up. WEIRD! I was so upset yesterday. My dad came over to me and said to me"Well SOMEONE ate all the cupcakes", blaming me. Why does he think I ate them all???? I got so mad. God, why does everyone think I'm such a fat pig?? I didn't eat them all! It made me feel so awful, cause he's always doing that, and my sister does that to me too, always blaming me for eating everything. I mean, ok ya, sometimes I do eat it all, but they dont' realize that I puke it back up. Well, they won't have to worry about me eating their food anymore, I'VE HAD IT WITH EATING! I won't have anything now! Yesterday I had 280 calories(5 small cookies), and today I had a nectorine- 40 cals? So I'm going to try to not eat as much as I can, I can't stand being such a gross fat pig. I'm so nasty and GROSS! Oh the other day I was so worried about Bud. I asked him to go to a club with me next weekend, and he got all uncomfortable. He said ok, but then he said he didn't feel comfortable going, cause of his weight. His weight!!! That's so weird, that's something I would say! He was saying how he's overweight and how everyone that would be there is thinner/better then him. I got so worried, I mean to hear him say things like that upsets me. It reminds me of myself, and I would be so sad if he ended up having an ED or something. I always worry like that, that other people are going to be like that. I guess his docter told him to lose 15lbs. I mean, he does have a little bit of a belly, but I don't care! I can't bare the thought of him feeling uncomfortable enough with his weight to not want to go out. My poor baby :( Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: