Date: Oct. 01, 2001 Time: 11:34 PM My current mood is: I am gushing I had such an awesome time last night :) I slept over Bud's, and I just had so much fun, the most fun I've had in weeks! Well the past couple weeks I've been really depressed, so this just made me feel truely happy for once, I was so glad. Just being with Bud, it was so nice. I mean we didn't do anything particularily different then usual....well, except had some awesome sex, I'm so glad I'm off the medications now!!! Yippy! I really like being with him, he makes me so happy. He's just so cute and awesome to be with. We started off the night going food shopping to get him something to eat. Of course, when he asked what I wanted to get I said nothing. I try never to eat around him, cause I know I can't puke afterwards with him being there. So he kept harassing me to get something to eat, (I think he's starting to get,well not annoyed, but it's starting to bug him that I don't eat, well around him anyway). But finally I gave in and got some stuff. As we were walking back to his apartment, I felt so happy, both of us carrying bags of food, I pretended like we lived together and we were bringing groceries back to our apartment. I told him how much I like going grocery shopping with him. After we got back, we made sandwiches. As we ate them, Bud said "this is a damn good sandwich!". This struck me as odd....to think that someone could just eat a sandwich so innocently. To not think about how bad it is for you, how many calories, how the bread isn't light, to not have comfort in the fact that you are going to puke it afterwards. To just enjoy it for what it is, a damn good sandwhich. I then proceeded to enjoy my sandwich, for the first time in a long time. I think that's what it means to not have an eating disorder. To eat something, and say wow this tastes really good, and to enjoy it, and that's it. It made me want to get better, for Bud. Because people eat meals, and enjoy them. Bud eats meals and enjoys them, and if he does then shouldn't I too? I mean, it just seems so innocent to me. Right now as I type, I am struggling not to puke the chips Ive just eaten. Lots of people don't do that. I don't know. I'm just really confused right now with the whole prospect of "recovery" and all that junk. Well, anywhoo, I'm not going to get into what went on after that, you can go watch a porno if you really need to know. During my class today, all I could think about was Bud. He's just such a cool guy, I wish I could see him everyday, instead of just once or twice a week. I wish I could wake up to him everyday. He informed me that this weekend we've been going out for 2 months. I can't wait for us for the future with him, for the next 2 months. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: