Date: Sept. 24, 2001 Time: 3:25 PM My current mood is: finally talked to Jim after months, some more binging and purging I've been depressed all day again. Not sure why, yet again. That's what sucks about being permanantly and life long stupid depression. There is just no reason half the time that I am sad, I just am. I was debating on wether to have some Ramen Noodle soup, see I know if I do then I will purge it. I've already purged 3 times today, this will make it a fourth, and it's still the afternoon. Oh well. I talked to Jim last night! I haven't talked to him in months! I figured he was with his girlfriend, which meant he didn't want to be friends with me anymore, so I guess I've been kind of mad at him. But we talked and I said "So what made you want to call me?" and he said "Cause I knew you wouldn't call me". WHAT??? HEhe, so I guess we both thought the other was the one not calling. Me and Jim do that, for no reason we'll stop talking for like 2 months, then randomly start talking again. I remember we even did that when we were dating once, we just stoped talking for 2 months then started dating again and we were like why did we stop?? Well also it's hard cause we are both going out with other people, and there's that unspoken rule about hanging out with your new one and your ex. I wish we could all just hang out though, I mean who cares, right? Maybe I will say that to him, but I doubt he would go for that. He can be kind of an old fashioned guy sometimes, like he still wigs out sometimes because me and him are friends, even though we went out, because "people just don't do that". Oh big deal. I feel bad, lately the subject of commitment has been brought up between Bud and I. Not like, descussing our commitment, but just the topic itself. He's very much for not cheating, and things being a one on one basis only. Hmmmmmmmm. Well, I'm fine with that, but personally I'm not so anal about it. Ok, I mean I did cheat on Bud once, but...umm....it doesn't count. I feel bad, cause after having those conversations I think he would be really really hurt if he found out. I mean personally, I think having things be one person only isn't that big of a deal. I mean if I was with someone and they wanted to date other people to, I'd be fine with that. I guess I dont' view fidelity to be the be all end all of relationships. I doubt I would break up with someone if they cheated on me. There are much more things that someone could hurt you with, to me anyway. Maybe it's just cause I've cheated on guys so many times, it just doesn't seem like a crime to me. I promised myself I wouldn't cheat on a guy ever again, and I didn't on John, but broke my promise with BUd......but I mean it was with John so it's ok. I just feel bad cause I know how much that stuff means to him. That's why he'll never find out! Wooooo!!! This soup is damn spicy!!!! I'm eating chili flavored Ramen noodle soup, I love spicy foods!! I've never had chili though, but this is good so maybe I'd like it. Tomorrow is my very first radio show, yay! I hope I don't mess up. I can't wait. My format is that I'm going to play depressing and angry music. That's the best kind of course. I wish the station was better though, it doesn't reach very far, I can barely get it from my house. But that's ok. Ok time to go puke now. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: