Date: Sept. 04, 2001 Time: 10:21 AM My current mood is: an echo of every other entry I've written I know I just wrote an entry like an hour ago, but....... I'm not sure of how much I feel for Bud. I mean he's a great guy, he's sooo sweet to me. But I don't know. Maybe it's cause we've only been going out for a month, I don't know why I'm expecting to be all in love with him. I just sort of feel like I'm with him because hey, why not? Not that I don't enjoy hanging out with him, I do. But there is a whisper in the back of my mind saying that that he is not the one. Not that every guy I date has to be "the one". I think there is more then one person, I think there are a bunch of people who could be "the one", or maybe just someone I could love. Maybe I'm still not over John. But there is no point in pining over him, since he...actually I think today is the day...is in California. So now what? I like hanging out with Bud, I just don't know how much I actually have feelings for him. Oh another note, I'm so pissed, I've gained weight again :( Lately I've been puking less, but still binging a lot, so you can do the math. I feel like a big puddle of goo. I want to start restricting again more, but I just hope I can get over my weak-willedness. I feel so bad for Bud, having to touch me when I'm all fat and gross. He must feel sickened. I almost didn't hang out with him yesterday, purely for the fact that I didn't want him to touch me and feel how fat I am. I guess in a way, that shows maybe I have a problem? Basing whether you hang out with someone on your weight? Maybe the only problem here is that I'm gross, not that I have distorted thinking. Geez, I'm really getting redundant with these entries. All I talk about is how fat I am. I can't help it though, this is what goes through my head. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: