Date: Aug. 30, 2001
Time: 11:57 AM
My current mood is:
sugar
YAY!!! JOHN CAME UP TO VISIT! That was so cool! He came here on Tuesday and left last night. And I'm psyched cause we got to hang out! We spent the whole night flirting, and I thought to myself "I'm going to have him", and eventually when Hilary and Mike went to bed, I DID have him ;) Hehe, that's kind of a slutty thing to do though, cause the night before that is when I had sex with Bud for the first time, and then the next night I go and have sex with John, I'm such a hoe. That's ok, I mean I know it's cheating and stuff, but technically maybe it doesn't count since I went out with John before, so it's just like an extension of our past relationship..... It was so cool being with John though, he whispered how he'd missed me and mentioned that I should come visit him in New York. As we made out, I cried silent tears for a moment, he wasn't aware of that. I was just so glad to be together again with my sweet boy, if only for a night. ::sigh:: But yes, I know that it is wrong cause I should not of cheated on Bud, but in my heart I don't regret it, I wouldn't have done that with anyone else but John. Inside something says it's ok, because it's John, and I would do anything in the world for him. It's true, I'm hopelessly addicted to him, and would do anything, be anything, for him. But this doesn't matter, cause he doesn't live here anymore. If he did, I would totally go out with him, and I feel bad for saying this but I would leave Bud in an instant for him. Even though Bud is such a sweet sweet guy. I know Bud would be horribly heart broken to know what happened. But I will always hold a place in my heart for John.
I always think John when I hear the song "Sugar" by Tori Amos.
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