Date: 2001-08-17 Time: 9:36 a.m. My current mood is: My dad's up and coming love life and me, the blob Last night my dad sat me down and said that he is ready to start dating women. He wanted to know if it was ok with me, not that he was asking permission, more just discussing it. I told him that it was his decision. I don't know how I feel about this, it's so weird. Last night I dreamed about my mom. The other day actually, I realized that I think I want to put a little picture of her on my night table. I think I am ready. Till now, I haven't really been able to look at pictures of her, it's hard for me. We have a big picture in our living room of her, and it really used to bother me cause it was right near the stairs, so you could see it very well. I moved it further away. So it's weird, it's turned from not wanting to look at her to wanting a picture of her. Also, I think I'm ready to start talking about it in therapy. I remember when I first started going, I didn't want to talk about my mom's death at ALL. Now I think it's not so bad, talking about it. Then again, I haven't really, so I don't know, this is just speculation. I think it will be so weird when my dad starts dating, I don't think I will like that at all, but I consider myself to be mature, I know it's part of life. I'm still feeling extremely obese, this morning I ate a bowl of cereal(the 200 calorie kind!), a half a bagel with creamcheese, and a brownie, GROSS! Yesterday I wanted to not eat anything for the rest of the day, but I went to the bar and when I came back ended up eating chips and what not. Ok, I will try today to eat nothing else, I think I can do it, just as long as no one bugs me to eat. For some reason my body is being a bitch about puking, it won't let me. I wish there was something I could take to make me puke, I mean besides ipicac cause that shit's wicked bad for you. Isn't that actually a poisen itself? I'm going to go do Tae Bo for an hour, and I think I'm going to take 4 diet pills. Normally I just take 2, but I really don't give a shit right now. And I want a cigarette. I forget if I already wrote this, but for some reason since I started puking a whole lot, I've also started smoking a lot more, before I smoked like 2-3 a day, now I'm not sure how much, but lots more! I guess I'm like fuck it, might as well do more shit that is bad for me. I mean if you're making yourself puke, it's like why bother caring if you are healthy in other aspects? Might as well go all out. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: