Date: 2001-07-04
Time: 3:27 p.m.
My current mood is:
fireworks tonight
Today is the 4th of July, so I'm seeing the fireworks with Katie, Hilary and Mike tonight. My dad is having a barbaque, but I'll be leaving before he starts it, HAHAHAHHAHHAA(evil laugh)! I can fast today! I just realized this morning that I'm going to stop my week-long binge today, I'm all set now. Now time to lose some damn weight! God, I talk about this all the time, but I never DO anything about it. Well by the time I school starts I have to be 90lbs, MANDITORY! I want to go back to school being the thinnest person there. I decided that if I get to 90lbs, and I still think I need to lose weight, then *drum roll* I will admit I have a problem. Till then, no. I can't see why I would still think I'm fat at 90lbs, I mean I know I'll be just right at that weight, perfect. Well, so far today nothing eventful has happened. I'm still feeling terribly lonely, I have been the past week. I wish that feeling would go away, I hate feeling this way.
You know, it's hard to think that you could die, just from dieting. I can't believe that it could ever happen to me. I would never get that far, would never happen to me. Someone I kinda knew online died, apparently 2 weeks ago. I feel like that is so far removed from reality....could that really have happened? Yet I know it did. She was trying to recover, I mean that means getting better, right?? I guess not. I just can't seem to get it in my head that this stuff can be dangerous. Why couldn't someone have done something about it? I almost can't feel anything towards it, my mind is like a child, sticking it's fingers in it's ears and singing loudly, playing a I can't hear you game or something. I don't really know what else to say.
Leave a message
Last Entry ~ Next Entry
|