Date: 2001-06-30 Time: 4:03 p.m. My current mood is: visited my grandfather Today I went shopping and got my hair dyed with my aunt. Woohoo. I got a pair of pants, geez I look SO FAT when I tried them on!! I got them anyway though, I feel like I'm getting fatter and fatter by the day, though I'm not sure if in reality I am. We went to my grandfathers house afterwards. As usual, I sat there mostly silent, listening and nodding. My grandfather sort of dominates conversations, no point in trying to participate in one, as I've learned. Anyway, so he decided to again tell me that my parents taught me nothing growing up, and proceded to tell me some life lessons. Lesson number 1 was that I need self control, and need to respect my elders. I was like "what?", cause I'd just been SITTING there saying nothing! Then he's like "don't get all mad and aggressive!". Ummm, when did saying "what" signify anger? Anyway, he tells me that the older person is always right, even if they are wrong they are right. Ok personally I think that's a load of crap. If someone younger then me thinks I'm wrong, I'd like to hear why, and if I really AM wrong, why would I want no one to tell me?? Some people are so self involved, and they all happen to reside in my family. Lesson number 2, try to be the same as everyone else. Yes, he actually said this. He said you should try to be as much like everyone else as possible, don't stand out. When you stand out, people expect something from you. Ok, so does this mean he wants me to have no expectations? I'm confused, I mean everyone else always says to be yourself, but then everyone in my family says the opposite. Well, luckily I choose to not listen to my family on this one either. He said if you have a litter of puppies, and one is bigger then them all, and one is smaller then them all, and the rest are all the same, which one do you choose? I said "I'd choose the friendliest one", but I guess we're not talking about the inside here, only outside. He said no, you pick one of the ones that looks the same. No one wants the ones that are bigger or smaller. Then it occured to me...I'm one of the puppies that is bigger/smaller then the rest. I guess this means I'm one of the losers no one wants? Probably so. Another thing he said, was when he was compairing me and my sister to each other, I wish he wouldn't do that. He said my sister is the sexy and exotic one. He said "she looks like a horny girl", lol. He went on and on about her. While he was saying this, I was silently wishing he would say what I was. Then my aunt piped up about how and how he said before that I'm the "girl next door that looks nice but if you piss me off I'll kick you in the nuts". Ok. That's nice. I'm the girl next door. Yay me. My sister gets to be exotic, I get to be average. Whenever my grandfather has this conversation with me it always makes me feel so unattractive and unsexual. Like I can't attract guys, I'm not the sexy one. I mean, I don't get it, I was wearing a black skin tight tank top, short shorts, and black fishnets....that's sexy, right? No? Forget it. Whenever I visit my granfather it always makes me depressed. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: