Date: 2001-06-20
Time: 12:05 a.m.
My current mood is:
Miss him
I just got back from hanging out with Hilary and Mike. They were being all coupley and play fighting and stuff. It made me miss John. I wish he was here. I wish I had someone like that, like John. I hate that, when people make you feel lonesome. I mean they didn't mean to. I keep thinking of all the things I would like to say to him, if I had the guts. I just feel like I'd sound like some obsessed stupid idiot. I've had guys be lame to me, and in my head I'm thinking "Just get over it!", I don't want him to think that of me. My heart aches for him....Damnit, why couldn't he leave me the way I was before?? Before I loved being alone. Now I'm lonely being alone, and I think about him. Not fair. I listen to songs that remind me of him, I don't know why, I mean they only make me miss him more. I wish I could just get over him like in a second, and be fine. There are so many things I wish he would say to me too, and that's what sucks, is the hoping that he will say them, the hope that he will eventually come for me and wisk me away. I keep imagining what it would be like for us if we lived together, I really should stop that. It's not going to happen, why do I bother to think about it? I wonder if he misses me. When we talked all those hours last time, he told me he cared about me a lot. I wonder how much? I wish I could be inside his head, and feel his emotions, and think his thoughts. Not just towards me, but in general, like how does he feel things, how deeply? I wonder that, how deeply people feel things. I still think about him every day. I miss him. :( "if my hearts soaking wet, boy your boots can leave a mess, hey jupiter, nothing's been the same.."-Tori Amos
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