Date: 2001-06-01 Time: 1:28 a.m. My current mood is: dadada Well I still have no job! Anyway, so my eating is getting so much better, yay! Well, I guess "better" depends on who's saying it. I've been dieting more and doing much better, at this rate I will be losing pounds in no time! I've also been doing Tae Bo. This is cool, I knew this would happen. When I experience loss, that's when my ana comes out, and since John left I knew my dieting would be getting better again, so now it is! Woohoo! Only thing that sucked is that tonight I had to go to Julie's wedding rehursal dinner, so I ate lots!!! But before that, the only thing I ate today was a banana. And now I'm going on a 48 hour fast, basicly not eating till dinner at Julie's wedding, which will be Saterday night. And plenty of exercise till then! I am determined to lose this yucky fat, I'm so desgusting it's sick. I mean geez. Ok I'll stop complaining now. I'm just so psyched though that I'm dieting more, it's great. I've been pretty pissed off at my family. My sister especially, she's been such a BITCH!!! And of course my dad always sides with her, and makes excuses for her. For some reason, he will never admit she's a bitch. She could punch me in the face, and he'd probably deny that she even did that, and say her hand slipped or something, lol! Ok but anyway, so she keeps yelling and bitching at me, when I haven't even done anything. And she makes it like I suck and like she is so much better then me, then I feel like such a loser. Why does she have to do that? I don't try to mess things up and suck at stuff, why does she have to push it in my face? I don't really feel like getting into it right now, cause this happened earlier, I like writing about stuff better right when it happens, so I can put my emotion into it. Right now I don't give a shit aobut my stupid dad or sister, they can both go to hell and leave me alone. Oh, I talked to John, and he's not going to be coming up here for the Ohgr show. That SUCKS. But he did say maybe some weekend he would come up. I wish he cared about me like I care about him. My friend that lives in New Jersey said I should go to school with her this year, and then I can see John again. But I feel to shy to ask him about that, what if he doesn't want me closer?? He hasn't asked me to come with him there or anything, so I don't want to like stalk him. I'll have to think about this idea. I mean not just cause of him, but that would be cool to be roommates with Tammy, she's ana too, so we could both diet together and I wouldn't have to hide it! Only problem is that I'm afraid we would get so into dieting we would end up killing each other cause of not eating. I would feel awful if I knew it was my fault something bad happened to her. I'm just afraid that we would trigger each other so much to lose weight. But at the same time, I would be looking forward to that. I'll have to talk about it with her again. Oh, I had another one of my bad sexual dreams, that sucks. I haven't had one in a long ass time, I hope I don't get any again. I hate those stupid rape-scenerio dreams, why do I have them???? Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: