Date: 2001-05-15 Time: 9:15 a.m. My current mood is: what if..... Well, yet again, I got up insanely early this morning, 5am. Anything before 12pm is blasphemy damnit! I was just reading this book earlier, I forget what it's called, it's about this beatnik guy who travels to California hitching rides from people and stuff. It made me think of John, and how he's moving to Cali. I feel so much more calm about it now, I'm not so neurotic over him as before. Well ok maybe I wasn't neurotic, but before, I used to get so anxious about him, thinking what if he doesn't like me, I must be so annoying, oh he's moving away and leaving me, I'm never going to see him again, etc. But now everything's a lot cooler. It's like the closer I get to him and the more I like him, the less upset I get about him moving. Not that I wouldn't miss him, but now I can see that it's not like he's dying or that I'm never going to get to speak to him again, I know that we will still talk and keep in touch, definatly. This is his last week here. He graduates on Sunday, I'm not exactly sure when he's leaving, probably a day or 2 after that. It seems like we've been getting closer lately, like emotionally close. Cause before things were cool, but lately it feels like there's a more emotional flare to our relationship. I look at him, and I can feel the unspoken warmth between us. Ok now I'm sounding like a total dork, lol. I feel like I'm writing a romance novel here, hehe. But also this ties into why I'm more calm about him leaving too, it's like I feel that things would be unfinished, like in a horror movie, at the end when the girl stabs the killer, and he's dead on the ground. Then the girl starts to walk away, happy that he is dead, and it looks like it's the end, but you KNOW the guy is going to get back up and try to kill her again. That's a weird analogy. Hmmm...I just compaired my relationship to a murderer, how odd. But anyway, the point is, regardless of what is supposed to happen in the future, it's too early for things to be finished, and too late for things to be nipped in the bud. So anyway, back to what I was saying earlier, I was reading that book, and I thought of him. Then I was thinking, what would it be like if I moved to California with him? My dad would be PISSED! First off, CA is on the opposite side of the country, and second off, me living with a guy is IMMORAL. Premarital sex...the shame! the horror! Ya, too bad I lose my virginity YEARS AGO :P Besides, I'm 21, almost 22 years old, yet I'm still afraid to go against my dad's wishes? I'm not saying I'm actually going to move out with John, but just the idea of it, I mean why couldn't I? My uncle and aunt live there, and so do my cousin and her family, so I do have family there. Why does he want to move to Sanfransico though, it's too cold there. That's where my uncle and aunt live, when I visited them over the summer it was like 60 out, and rainy. My cousin Lisa lives in LA I think, that's much better, nice and hot! My sister says that when she gets older, she's moving to California, apparently she's going to open up a bar there. Or at least that's what she wants to do as of now, lol. Imagine that, if John and I moved there, and my sister moved there too, hey I'm all set, don't have to see my dad or my mom's side of the family. Well, only prob is that my uncle and aunt there are nuts, he's manic depressive and she's a MAJOR hypocondriac(apparently she had Lupus, but she got better...Lupus is a FATAL disease dummy!) She's also pretty excentric. But they would love for me to live there, my uncle is always asking when I'm going to come out there again and that I should go to school at Berkley there. I think Berkley is a really good school though, if that's the case I wouldn't even be able to get in anyway, lol. Well, this is all just pipe dreams anyway. I woke up this morning at 5am and ate 2 pieces of coffee cake, a half an apple, and 4 oreos, piggy piggy piggy! Oh and by the way I got a job at the pet store that I worked at last summer. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: