Date: 2001-04-10
Time: 8:44 p.m.
My current mood is:
OhGr is cool
I just made a cd of OhGr. I don't really know much Skinny Puppy, cause the OhGr cd is the side project from the lead singer of that band, but I really like it. I probably should listen to Skinny Puppy if I'm going to be listening to the dude's side project. But it's pretty cool! I feel really weird. The past few days, I've just been feeling off. Still kinda depressed, though earlier I felt like I had all this strong feelings in me, like this ball of feelings that I couldn't even identify. It was a mix of being depressed, happy, and I don't know what else, I just felt like I wanted to scream or run around in a field of grass. I still feel that oddness I guess, I wish it would go away. Today I went to a meeting of the Gay Straight Allience, though I feel a bit out of place cause it's so late in the year to go, they're in the midst of planning different stuff that I am clueless about lol! But it seems cool. And you know, John used to go to meetings, I didn't know that. One of the girls said he did, but now he doesn't cause of his radio show is at that time. Also I looked at some pictures they took, and there was one of John, and I felt so silly cause inside I was like awwwww he's so cute! Yucky mushyness! Oh well, I can't help it, he's a cutey. I wish he could still go to the meetings, it would be that much cooler if he was there. I don't know, I just like hanging out with him, and I haven't been able to the past few days. But anyway, they're planning a Take Back the Night march, which is cause of rape and violence against women. I really want to go, it sounds cool! Especially cause of last time that I had a chance to go to one... a few years ago, when I went to University of Hartford, they had a march, and I really wanted to go and was planning on going, until the guy I was going out with at the time Charlie, told me to come home to hang out with him instead. I told him about the march, and how I was all wanting to go, but he was stupid, so he was all like you have to come home, basicly being like we're going to break up if you don't do what I say. What a dickhead. I felt so dumb, cause I did end up going home instead. I felt like such a loser, cause it seemed so ironic, that I didn't go to the women's march because my boyfriend told me I couldn't. I've always regretted that. I'm never going to let that happen again, no one tells me what to do!!! I'm never going out with someone like that again, he would yell at me a lot, and I would just sit there with my head down all upset. And the more sad I got, the angrier he got at me, it was weird. So he'd get more and more mean to me until finally I would burst out crying, only then would he stop. Then he would blame ME for him making me cry! He'd say "Why did you let me yell at you like that?" Ummm excuse me you have control over youself! I don't know why I took that shit. I guess I just felt I deserved it, cause he always seemed convincing when he said I did something wrong. He was such a moody bitch. Always trying to control me, but like in subtle ways, so I didn't realize he was like that. Well anyway, I don't feel like talking about him right now, so whatever! I'm glad I have a therapist appointment tomorrow, so I can bitch about Jim, and feeling depressed. Hmmm, I wonder if I should bother calling John at his radio show(he just sits there and does nothing anyway lol), or maybe he will think I'm calling too much. AAaahhhhhh, I'm such a fatty! Why can't I stop eating??? I was doing awsome last week, now all of a sudden I'm addicted to food again! I think I need to up the dosage of Metabolife, but I'm kinda iffy about that, I'm taking 3 at a time right now(the packege says take 2). We'll see.
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