Date: 2001-04-08 Time: 11:30 p.m. My current mood is: today SUCKS God today really sucks. Right now I'm listening to the song "Pardon Me" by Incubus, which describes exactly how I feel. I used to not like that song, but after listening to the acoustic version, I listened to the lyrics more and now I really like it. Here they are: A decade ago, I never thought I would be, at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me. But I guess that it comes with the territory; an ominous landscape of never ending calamity. I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and exploding seems like a definite possibility to me. So pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games. So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame. Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same. Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees. I said, "I can relate," cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth. Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D... and thinking so much differently. So pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games. So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame. Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same. First my grandfather making me feel like shit. Now Jim... I just went over Julie's with Jim and we watched a movie. Oh, by the way I haven't seen/talked to Jim in a long ass time, except for the other day. So anyway, as I was driving back, I was like "we need to hang out more!" and I forget exactly what he said but kinda like "oh ok if you want to" and I was like what you don't want to hang out with me? And he was like I don't know, there's not much to do. Oh and before that I asked him about going with me to Julie's wedding and he said he doesn't want to go anymore :( So basicly he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. I can take the hint. And when I got to my house and he got out of the car, he didn't give me a hug like he usually does, he was just like ummm I'll give you a call in like a week or something. This really sucks. I've known him for so long and all of a sudden he's sick of me, it breaks my heart. I'm so attatched to him, and he just doesn't even care about me. We've shared so much, and he couldn't care less. Ok, this is it, my only option......LOSE WEIGHT! This will solve everything. This is mandatory, I must lose weight, this will make Jim worry about me more(maybe?), therefore he will care about me more, and it will make John care about me more too. So I really HAVE to lose weight. No doubt about it, no "trying".... like Yoda says, "Do or do not, there is no try" lol. So I will lose 10lbs, I don't care if I pass out or die! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: