Date: 2001-03-16 Time: 05:26:23 My current mood is: porn star You know, it's really annoying, it seems lately my dad has been trying to like, talk to me more or spend quality time or something. I don't want to, take a hint! Like the other day I was taking a nap, and he woke me up to tell me something, then he was just standing there trying to shoot the breeze with me, saying how I should buy more fish for my fishtank, blah blah blah, and I'm thinking why are you still here? It's weird, cause a lot of times if someone starts talking about how they don't like their mother and stuff, inside I'll feel kinda bad cause I feel like they should feel good that they have a mother, something like that. But with my dad, I still say he's an asshole and stuff. I mean I know I should feel lucky to have my dad, like John's father died, but I just can't bring myself to have a "bond" or whatever with him. I don't like spending time with him, I mean sometimes I spend time with him, but for the most part I don't like being around him. Ufff, I'm so mad I go back to school on Monday :P I wish it was the end of the semester already! This semester sucks, I know I'm doing bad. I shouldn't of let my advisor talk me into taking so many classes, she wanted me to be "challenged", but damn man, there's a diffference between challenged and overwhelmed!! Truthfully, if I had my head on straight, I know I could do it all. It's just that I think in a way, I can't deal with being challenged, because it's already such a challenge for me to do the whole school thing as it is. Like first semester was pretty easy, and I got all A's. What's wrong with that? I would like it to just be easy, I know that sounds bad but I'm just not like...my brain is too messed up to do hard stuff. I mean I know I can mentally do it, like first semester I was taking a Junior level class which I got an A in, so I know I can deal with hard classes in theory....but the problem is that I just get so overwhelmed. If there's too much going on I just can't function right. I guess it's partly my ADD or something. Plus the whole depression thing doesn't help a bit, I mean it's not the easiest thing in the world to try to write a paper when all you can think of is cutting yourself up. Geez I'm so retarded, I binged tonight :( That sucks. I was doing so well all week long, till today. I didn't eat anything all day, then for dinner I decided to eat a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. Then my aunt called and starting talking about how she finally found someone to buy her condo and she will be moving in with my grandfather who lives down the street from me..AAAHHHHH!!!!!! God this is going to really suck. Just talking to her makes me all pissy. So right after I got off the phone with her I went straight into the kitchen. Blech. And I've been eating ever since. I AM GROSS! And I didn't even exercise today. Tomorrow will be different, I promise!! I'm listening to The Sundays, I just made the cd on my cd burner, I really like them. They aren't the type of music I normally listen too, infact I don't think anyone would ever think I would listen to them lol, normally I'm more into metal/rock type music. But like every song they do, just makes me so sad, it's really very touching. I'm mad, I just totally wasted the whole day. I wanted to hang out with people but I ended up being so tired I just lied around all day long. Maybe from lack of food or something, I just felt like I didn't have enough energy to do anything. Oh well. Oh! I might be on a fetish webpage! lol! This guy I talk to online wants me to be on his "lifting" fetish page...lifting is when the guy lifts the girl over his head, and I guess some people find it a turn on. I have no idea why, but anyway so he's starting a page on it and he asked if I would be in it! The only thing is that I don't even know this guy so maybe he will beat/rape/kill me. Hopefully I can find someone who will come with me. I just hope he doesn't expect me to get naked or anything, I'm just there to be lifted, no porn! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: