Date: 2001-03-15 Time: 07:47:04 My current mood is: Hooters Hmmm...ok I'm really getting agitated by that time thing, it's really 2:45am damnit! Ok anyway. So I went to Hooters with Hilary for dinner today, hehe. It wasn't as raunchy as I thought it would be, and you know there were actually some families there, like with their kids lol. I think if I have kids, I'll bring them to Hooters. I ate a chicken sandwich(no mayo), and a pickle, they didn't give any fries so yay! I love fries, so I'm glad there weren't any. So that was my meal for the day, I'm guessing the sandwich was like 300 calories? Let's just say 300-500, either way that's not bad. I was kinda nervous before/during hanging out with Hilary, I don't know why. I think that's the first time we've ever hung out just me and her, well actually we did once before but we were just watching tv. So anyway, I was just kinda nervous like what if she gets annoyed by me or what if there's uncomfortable silence, and is she actually having fun or is she wishing I wasn't there??? I'm so paranoid! I don't know why, I mean she always asks me to hang out, why would she ask me if she didn't like me? I can never just accept that someone likes me. Well anyway, so damn, today for some reason like every guy was STARING at me! It was pretty annoying, I mean I'd be flattered if they were hot, but they were all totally butt. Oh shit! I just remembered, I didn't just eat that....ok, this is soooo dumb, I don't know why we even did this, lol, but when we were sitting on the subway, some dude sitting across from us said "Here want some doughnuts?" and threw us a bag of them. We were just like ummmmm ok.... So then we shared a doughnut, I had like 1/3-1/2. After we got off, we were like why did we eat that, that dude was creepy?!! It was pretty funny, we were pretending that the doughnuts were really laced with Acid and that we were going to start seeing pink elephants, hehe. I guess all that "don't take candy from stangers" bit didn't have enough effect on me, or her either! After that we went back to Mike's and watched the movie Ravonous(or however you spell it), it was pretty cool, it was about cannibals. You can never go wrong with a movie about cannibals! You know, it's weird, I was just thinking today how I feel uncomfortable about John, I mean not with him personally, but with the fact that we're not like, in a established relationship or that he's inlove with me. It's weird, like if a guy says he loves me I don't believe it, but at the same time it gives me a sense of security, I know where I stand with them. When a guy says that, it's like I can sit down and take a breather, and know that no matter what the guy is permenent and be there no matter what I do or say, unless I leave him. I know that sounds snotty, but that's what happens. I mean not that I take advantage of that. But it's just that with John, we've been dating for almost enough...I know he can't be inlove with me, but at the same time I'm assuming he likes me...it's like he could ditch me at anytime, or decide he doesn't feel like putting up with my bullshit. If a guy is in love with me, I guess I feel like I have some aspect of control, cause if it's going to end, it will be me ending it not them. I like to be the distant one, while the guy is, well, I guess you could say persuing me, or like the emotional one. You know, this is pointless to even think about right now, cause he's in California, so why even think of this shit?? I really want to lose weight by the time he is back, I think in a way I feel like the less I weigh the more he will like me/pay attention to me, I don't know why it's not like he ignores me! I just feel like if I gain weight or am not thin he won't like me as much. Oops, I just remembered I was supposed to meet Bill at the club tonight, oh well! I'll go next week! Oh, and I didn't cut today, or yesterday, amazing! I definatly still have the urges too, as I probably always will forever. I really want to hang out with Jim tomorrow! I haven't hung out with him in like....ummmm...I forget. Oh, I think last week or something. I need my Jimmy!! I think I'll also ask Katie and Julie to hang out too, unfortunatly inviting Julie means inviting Dave-the-asshole too >:( Oh well. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: