Date: 2001-01-03
Time: 08:54:58
My current mood is:
3am
The time is 3:48am. I wonder why the time on this says 9...whatever. I really need to talk to my psych. and therapist. I'm such a mental case. I should just be locked away or something, or maybe shot exicution style. So anyway, I cut myself up a little while ago. I hope the scars show a lot, or else I may have to do it again. Geez, I've been cutting for 10 years, how mental is that?? And compulsivly pulling out my hair for 13 years. Just now I was going about the house, putting things into order, like I have Obsessive compulsive disorder or something. I think it's from not eating, I notice I get wicked OCD when I don't eat. But I thought I've been pigging out? Oh well, who knows. Well, starting tomorrow, I'm starting my awesome diet! Of course, this was supposed to start Monday, but SOMEONE got a case of the piggies... So anyway, starting tomorrow I will eat nothing at all, unless I have to eat dinner in front of my dad or something. So I will only eat around others, NEVER alone! Now if I could only abide by that. I wish I would take diet pills...but I'm kinda iffy about them. I'm afraid they'll react badly with my meds. Speeking of which, I want off all meds! Seriously, I'm totally sick of taking so much, and they don't do shit. I don't think there is a "cure" or whatever for what I have, I'm just a lost cause. I mean, it's just my personality, how can you change someone's personality? It is my personality to be self destructive, depressed, and despise myself, why fuck with that? Why not just let me be the way I've always been? One day I will end up killing myself, preferably before I decide to spawn some children, that way I won't have to spread my ickiness tothe world. Today I ate too much to bother writing down, maybe I should do that, write down what I eat.
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