Date: 2000-12-19
Time: 04:32:18
My current mood is:
Jim
Well, I was just looking at different paintings/art on the internet, and I was looking through fantasy type ones. I came across some elf pictures...and I felt a twinge in my heart. Yes, apparently I still do have one, even if I don't know what the hell to do with it. Oh, ok, I forgot to say why...cause it reminded me of my friend, who is my exboyfriend. We went out for 2 years, and went through some pretty deep stuff. So now we're friends, cause I didn't want to go out with him anymore. But we haven't barely talked in the past month. And I saw him the other night, and he barely even seemed to care! I felt so awful. I bet he's seeing another girl. Not that I care. But what if he is, and then she doesn't want him to still be friends with me? He's probably going to ditch me, and he doesn't like me anymore, and won't talk to me ever again. Why do I always think this? I always think it and it never happens...though he said he'd call me yesterday and he didn't. I hate this, whenever anything happens at all, I always read into it sooo much. Even the tiniest things. It's so confusing, I mean I like him so much. But I don't want to go out with him. Cause I am asexual!!! Also, I kinda like that guy John I just started hanging out with. But no! I must remain friends. I DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS. Why is my heart suddenly starting to work again? DIe damnit! Oh, today I went to see my psych., she upped my Zoloft a bit, hopefully it will start working. I'll be so upset if it's not working from not eating. Be fat and happy, or thin and depressed....I don't know what I'd pick! Maybe thin and depressed.
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