Date: Nov. 17, 2003
Time: 1:27 AM
My current mood is:
No sex in the champagne room
*sigh* I just had a fight with Jon. He wanted to have sex, and I said I felt too fat. So he got a bit pissy and was bitching that I never want to have sex, and what's he supposed to do, etc. It totally pissed me off. Like I'm supposed to give him sex whenever he wants, regardless of if I don't want to? So then he kept trying to apologize and I just kept telling him to leave. And inside, I know it wasn't just what he said that bothered me. The real reason why I was hurt/angry, is cause he asked why I act like I never want to have sex, and I just couldn't tell him the real reason...that I just don't have a sex drive. I used to be horny all the time, like ever since I passed puberty I could never get sex/making out off my mind. And the the past 6 months my sex drive has just taken a nose dive downward, and it's not getting better. I'm really glad I have a gynocologist appt. tomorrow, they have to figure out what's wrong with me! I just felt too ashamed to tell Jon the truth. I KNOW he'll twist it around to think that I'm not attracted to him anymore, and that's not the case. He asked "Do you think about having sex when we're not together?", and I just said "I'm not answering that!". I didn't want to tell him that I very rarely think about sex. The only time I want to have sex is when we're in the middle of making out. Not even before that really...I mean sometimes a little, but the main time that I'm like *woohoo lets go!* is when we're already almost having it. Before that it's like *eh, ok, we can make out, it's been awhile*. I just don't know what's wrong with me. There was a long period of time I didn't want sex before, but just figured it was from not eating and being underweight. Now I'm eating healthy and at a normal weight. I really bothers me cause I feel so different, I always felt like such a sexual person before, and now it's like...nothing. I wouldn't mind if I was single, that would be fine. But I'm with Jon, so it's not fine. I just hope tomorrow they can figure out what's wrong with me, maybe give me something that will help.
Leave a message
Last Entry ~ Next Entry
|