Date: Aug. 05, 2003 Time: 1:27 AM My current mood is: I love my cloud and stars pajamas! I am wearing what are the most comfortable pair of pajama bottoms know to the human race. I kid you not, this is so soft and cuddly, just wearing them makes me want to just fall asleep dreaming of pink hearts. Ok nix the pink hearts. But really, they're kind of cheesy looking in that cutesy type of way, they're light blue, covered with clouds and stars. I didn't buy the shirt to it though. I bought the pants when I went to the mall earlier with Jon. We went to Joe's resturant, I was kind of freaking out cause he said "Will you have something to eat with me?". I intended on just drinking my large glass of diet coke...which for a moment I freaked out about too (what if it's really REGULAR COKE??? What if they mixed it half and half?? Nooooo!!). But then I realized they had a garden salad on the menu, and I was so damn hungry, I sat there forever deciding on whether or not I should get it, turning the waitress away 2 or 3 times so I could decide. I even stopped to think how dumb I was being, after all it's just a salad! But calories calories calories. I got it but felt like a whale eating it. I know it's dumb, but I really need to lose weight. I lost 6lbs already, 10 more to go. My birthday's on Wednesday. Jon said he decided to invite my friends to go out to eat for my birthday, at first I thought it was cool but then I regretted it. I feel like it would be so egotistical and selfish for me to go out with friends for dinner in my honor, like I'm so fucking great or something. Why should they celebrate me? So I told him tonight that i don't want to do it. I hope everyone forgets it's my birthday, I feel bad that anyone has to notice me or something on it. I had my midterm for my class today, eep! I hope I did well. He said I could make up the paper I missed which is awesome :) I'm sort of in a mild-moderate depression, or what I consider to be "normal". Maybe not moderate. I dunno, basiclly I can function ok right now, indicationg it is not severe. I feel it when I'm alone, when there's silence and I realize it's there, like a white noise-it wasn't not there before, I just wasn't listening to it. It saddens me to think of my mental wellness and my future, I really hope I'm able to do the work I want to do (psychotherapist/other mental health job). I know right now would not be the best time to get a job like that. Maybe by some weird chance, in the future I'll be happy and well adjusted. I just don't see how I can help someone if I can barely keep it together over ordering a salad, or able to function at times. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: