Date: Mar. 06, 2003 Time: 12:03 AM My current mood is: Freakin about the weekend God I'm freaking out! This weekend I'm driving to New York to visit Jon, and I just realized....what the fuck am I going to do about food?? I haven't kept down a normal meal in weeks. I keep down small amounts, like a candybar here or an apple there, but an entire meal?? How did I get so bad so fast? I'm so anxious right now, what am I going to do? Am I *allowed* to purge at his house? Would that be a horrible faux paux? Should I tell him before hand that I'm going to purge and like, ask permission? Or should I just be sneaky and he might know what I'm doing anyway and be pissed off? I hate puking at other peoples houses, I'm so paranoid the toilet won't flush it all or be broken. It was easier when he was here this past weekend, I was working for one of the days and when he showered I'd purge what I ate. But now....uff! It's not just psychological either, I'm really not sure if my stomach can handle normal meals all at once like that now. Incase you were wondering, I b/p'd twice today, thinking about doing it a third but kinda too lazy. I'm so psyched, I have tomorrow off and then Friday is my last day at work! Yay for me! I'm still debating about calling the eating disorder clinic. The problem is that I'm enjoying binging, purging and losing weight way too much. I feel like I'm good at purging, why should I stop? It takes me 5 minutes at the most to purge now. I'm trying to start keeping more food down, mainly because I'm getting really lightheaded lately and feeling like I'm going to pass out. Watched Angel tonight..I wish I was as thin as that girl Fred! Amy Acker is so thin. Grrrrrr. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: