Date: Feb. 27, 2003
Time: 2:31 PM
My current mood is:
Somewhere
Pushing aside old plates of food, moving yesterdays chicken bones and cups of hardened salsa, dirty towels and clothes, I cleared a spot on the floor infront of my tv. I turned on the tv, first retracing my steps to find the remote control somewhere in the mess of my room, finding it next to my bed on a pile of clothes. Watching tv as I dined on non-meat chicken nuggets, a slice of cake, french bread, Ramen noodle soup, and sticking my finger in a can of frosting repeatedly to bring to my lips, licking the sweet flavor, the chocolate staining my hand all over. I ate and threw up twice today and it is only a bit past 2pm. After I finished purging the second time, I sauntered back to my room, grabbing the phone and dialed the numbers to reach the psychiatric hospital. Tripping over my words I asked about the partial program. I asked if it was the eating disorders program and she said no, they didn't have one. Confusion swept over me and I got off the phone. I guess that's at a different place? So what's the partial program for? I hate getting confused, I start getting all upset and everything seems to swirl around me, suddenly everything's wrong and I'm making a fool out of myself. Sometimes I just scare easy I guess. The place that has the eating disorder treatment is in a different hospital, though a similar distance from me as the other one. I feel empty and hollow inside, except for the feeling of faint sadness and confusion. Staring down at my hand, skin dry and gross, a red spot now decorates my knuckle from purging.
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