Date: Jan. 30, 2003
Time: 3:56 PM
My current mood is:
What should I be? Where am I going?
Let's see...today I had work as usual, and as usual I thought to myself "Why the fuck am I HERE?? I hate this fucking place!". I mean I guess the job in itself isn't horrible, I just can't take working there anymore. I make less then $8 an hour and I'm 23 years old. I wear a name tag. There's GOT to be more then this. So all morning I pondered which route in life I should take, what do I want to be when I grow up? The thing is, I already am grown up, and I still don't know. I've always had my heart set on being a therapist or something in the mental health field, but honestly I don't know if that would be right for me. People always say I'm a great listener, and how I'd make a good therapist, but should I really be going into a field like that? Maybe I should just stick to being the patient. People say I should be a veterenarian, but I don't know if I'd like doing all the medical stuff. I think you have to go to med school to be one? I don't know what to do with myself. I want to go back to school but I don't know if I trust my moods to be able to stay focused and consistant. I wanted to wait till I was on a medication that worked before I went back, but it doesn't seem like any work. Am I destined to be a loser forever?? Working retail is just killing my spirit, you can only say "Hi can I help you?" so many times before your pride is melted into nothingness. Last night I kind of wanted to make an entry but I was too pissed. All this seething hatred boiling inside me, yet if you ask me what it's from I have no idea. Just randomly comes and goes. Jon called me though and I ended up feeling better. I'm getting tired now, I need to start getting more sleep! I have tons of shit I need to do and I keep putting it off cause I'm tired. I keep wanting to throw up and cut myself. Damnit i need a coping mechanism.
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