Date: Jan. 27, 2003 Time: 2:03 AM My current mood is: Weekend Update Yay another fun and hotel filled weekend with my man! Friday I called in sick cause I hate my job. Hilary and I went to the goth club cause they were doing the Miss Gothic Massachusetts pagent. It was really fun, I haven't been to the club in soooo long, it was great to have drinks, listen to music and dance. As we were watching the pagent I felt arms around me, turned around and it was Christopher. Haven't seen him in forever! He whispered to me that he was so glad I gained weight, that I was hot before but now I look even better. Actually I'm talking to him right now and he's saying it again that he's glad I gained weight :) I felt awesome about myself for the rest of the night, instead of feeling fat I felt sexy ;) Anyway, so he looked so hot I had to keep telling myself hands off! I think I shouldn't hang out with him for the remainder of me and Jon's relationship. *meow* Chris is hot. Afterwards we went back to Hilary's where Jon was waiting. I slept over there till 6am then went home, and called in sick to work again. Then Jon and I got a hotel room and... *porn music* Anyway hehe. It was really hard for me this weekend eating with Jon. I just kept eating so much and of course felt like I was going to puke after, and I was extremely self concious. A glimpse in the mirror with no clothes on revealed the horrific nature of myself, the disgusting protrustions of fat pocketed throughout my body. I told him part of the reason I didn't want him to come this weekend was that I was so disgusting and gross. He looked at me in amazment and said "You actually believe that??", and went on to tell me how beautiful and perfect I am, which I kept denying because honestly I'm FUCKING GROSS!!!!! The next morning we ate breakfast, and he said it. He said "You eat so much more then me, look at your plate". I nearly died, I just stared at him. Immediatly he said "Oh my god that was so rude of me, I didn't mean it like that, I can't believe I said that!", but I just sat staring at him. We then resumed eating, well just him that is. He then kept badgering me to eat as I pushed the food around with my fork, occasionally taking a miniscule piece and eating it, hating every swallow. As we left I looked at my plate, glad most of it was still there. Later on my break at work he brought peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches that he made, and gave me more flowers! He badgered me to finish my sandwhich, I almost didn't realize I was trying not to eat it all till he said that. I'm debating on whether or not I should I should tell him about my issues with food/weight still, and I think the answer is that I really do need to tell him, for my own sake. He says things that are triggering, not calling me fat or anything but stupid guy comments, you girls know what I mean ("oh wow I lost weight and didn't even mean to" how annoying is that??). I think honestly for my own recovered sake I need to tell him what's cool and what's not cool. I'm too chicken though. Blah. On a sad note Julie has to put her dog to sleep :( That totally sucks. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: