Date: Sept. 09, 2002 Time: 1:45 PM My current mood is: The Story of My ED Part 4: Death So I was back to eating normal. It wasn't that hard really, I just started eating again, mentally I really didn't care. I hadn't even thought of it as an eating disorder or any type of problem for that matter, until Dave had said that anorexic comment. This was my first and last time that recovery would be a breeze. My mom started getting even sicker. She had been taking holistic Chinese medicine which was actually working, as she had run out of Western medicine options long ago. After the Chinese medicine working for about a year, it gave out. She was pretty much bed ridden, and her eye sight was going, her voice still just barely audible. Suddenly her health plunged, and for real this time, only had about a few days to live, tops. At this time I quit the pet store, after having a crying episode in the bathroom and having to go home early. It was so painful, seeing her in bed, asking the same questions over and over because she was dilerious, and needing a urinal tube. I remember the day that she died, my dad had us go in the room seperatly, and say our goodbyes. I sat down next to her bed, just looking at her with tears in my eyes, speachless. My aunt sat next to me, and proceded to tell me "put your hand on her, tell her blah blah blah, stroke her arm". I got so enraged, that even at a moment like this, she would sit there and tell me what to do like I was an actor in a play, that she was directing. I told her to leave. To this day I will never forgive my aunt, the way she acted during my mom's illness. The times she screamed at my mom, guilt tripped her and insulted her. Fucking piece of shit cunt. I don't remember why, but then my dad needed something at the store, or perhaps it was something my mom needed. Me and my sister went to the corner store to get it, and when we came back she was dead. During the Shiva(a jewish custom, like a wake but lasting a week long), people came and went all day, people I barely even know telling me that if I wanted to talk, to give them a call. It made me so angry, everything made me angry. How dare they think I would want to talk about this with someone I didn't even know? Jim tried to explain to me they were just trying to help. People brought over tons and tons of food all the time. All throughout the shiva, I remember being painfully full, I ate constantly, and food was around constantly. I kept myself at a constant "uuuh I feel siiiiick" level of fullness daily. During the Shiva at one point, Charlie was over(we were just friends by that point) and when Jim called(just me and him were going out), he flipped out and left. It hurt me, especially since the occasion of why he was over, that he would do that to me. After this I rapidly gained weight. Aside from the initial 10 pound weight gain to my normal weight, I gained 15 more, making me 125 lbs. I was now "curvy", as people say. I had gotten a job at a huge animal hospital in boston, basicly cleaning up dog shit/vomit/pee, rectally taking their temperatures, and feeding them. Loads of fun. But there is so much more to say. A picture of me on Halloween, just after I had started the new job To Be Contined...... Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: