Date: May. 30, 2002 Time: 2:32 AM My current mood is: "And is it right, Butterly, they like you better framed and dried?" I'm so PISSED right now! And I don't want to be. I went in the fridge, to see left overs from Donna(dad's girlfriend) written ontop that it's for my sister. Suddenly I wanted to smash something, very very badly. I still do, I just want to throw something, smash a glass, punch something. Why?? Whatever, it doesn't matter. Now I feel like scratching my arm with my nails. That is, if I actually had nails. I bit them all off again. Today I hung out with Julie and her friend Daina(sp?) from Seattle. Julie met Daina from when Daina was a door to door salesperson. She came to her door one day, and somehow Julie's mom ended up inviteing her to live with them....bizarre! So she lived with them for a little while, then went back to Seattle. Us 3 went shopping today at this outlet mall. We went into this Versace store, I wanted to buy something there just so I could brag about having it, but I didn't. I don't think it would go with my usual homeless person look, lol. While we walked around at all the clothes and MILLIONS of shoe stores, I wondered if maybe I should dress feminine? I asked Julie, she said just dress however I want. Good answer. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a "girl"....to wear strappy shoes with heels, do my hair, wear lipstick and foundation, I dunno. I always just wear baggy band shirts, black jeans with holes, wallet chain, boots. I always wear my hair down, sometimes wear barrets, but I don't know how to do my hair, and as far as makeup I just wear lots of black eyeliner. Aren't you glad you know all of this? That would be weird if one day I just started dressing all girly. Actually today I figured out how to use makeup to cover up my dark under eye circles! Yay! I did that because of how Julie is all concerned about my health lately. Starving makes me look like a crack whore, and like I haven't slept in 12 years. So I attempted to use coverup. First I turned myself yellow. That wasn't good. Then I finaly got it to work, and holy shit I look HEALTHY! Wow. It's been so long since I didn't have those dark starvation circles, I forgot what I looked like when I was healthy! I also made sure to eat a nice big meal infront of Julie today. Considering I've been binging soooooo much lately. I think tomorrow it's time to restrict again though. No more of this *eating* crap! As always, I feel like time is zooming by so fast. They always say to stop and smell the flowers, but even the flowers themselves always seem to be speeding by. Why do people have to pick apart everything I say? I mean geez, I make one comment about wishing I was able to rip off my skin, and suddenly people worry. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: