Date: May. 20, 2002 Time: 7:30 PM My current mood is: Another one bites the dust Hey guess what! I was getting dressed(yes, it's 7pm and I just got out of the shower and dressed, hehe), and I put my pants on and they seemed super baggy, more then usual, so I measured myself. My waist is 23 inches and my hips are 32!!! YAY! That's awsome, cause my hips have never been less then 33, even at 95lbs, so that means I really AM bloated, and weigh less then the scale says. This totally rocks. I was wicked triggering myself today too, I was getting undressed to take a shower and realized my shoulders no longer are...what's the way to describe this...no longer go right in a straight line with my chest, like my shoulders actually stick out in front. Kind of like how my hip bones stick out further then my abdomen, my shoulders stick out more then my chest. I'm not trying to brag or anything, I'm just fascinated. Ya, I have no life. I actually cried last night, how stupid. Since I told Christopher 2 days ago about my ED, I got all infatuated with him. I guess I just felt all safe about him, got more attached. So last night I was talking to him, and he was like "Oh, this girl I went out with once is coming up to visit, I think I'm going to have sex with her. I haven't had sex in awhile, I should start doing it again. Too bad you won't help me out in that department!". I'm not a jealous person, but I felt...turned down. It made me feel like shit when he said that. So I was like "Well, if sex is what's important to you.", and he was like "Well ya, I mean I don't want any type of emotional thing right now". Shattered, once again. I don't know why it bothered me so much, telling him about my ED, that whole conversation meant a lot to me and made me feel much closer to him, then him saying this the next day just made me feel so...so cold. Especially since he said he wished I'd have sex with him. Is that all I am? I mean we're friends, I know he doesn't just hang out with me for sex or anything, but the fact that he wants to just have sex with me but not be anything more then friends, I don't know I mean I'm not like that. I've made out with guys before without wanting a relationship, and was cool with that, hell I've even had sex with guy friends before. But that was then, this is now. I guess I'm just over the whole getting booty thing, I want someone who actually cares about me. So then I was talking to John later on and told him about what happened and out of nowhere I just started crying, saying how I'll be alone forever and nobody will ever love me. Only cried a little though, I never really burst into tears much. Of course I didn't actually tell John about the ED part, just that I had told him something personal. But I'm ok now, it was just one of those stupid things. My stalker Travis called me again yesterday, TAKE A FUCKING HINT DUDE! I made sure to add plenty of uncomfortable silence, I love doing that lol. Ever purposly make uncomfortable silence? I'm really good at doing it for some reason. Hopefully he finally realized I can't stand him so he won't call me anymore. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: