Date: May. 13, 2002 Time: 9:36 PM My current mood is: I'm not waving, I'm drowning I just got done throwing up. I made myself puke 4 times today. I was supposed to work till close today but I ended up calling in sick cause I was too depressed to go. I felt really bad for doing that, I just know they are getting fed up with me. I can't help it, I wish I could explain it to them but they wouldn't understand. "You can't come in to work because you're sad? Get your ass in here!" they would say. I hate this, I hate being irresponsible. I'm not one of "those" people, the young kids who work there for a month, and in that time call in sick every friday night and monday morning, the ones who sit around and do nothing then just stop showing up. I don't want them to see me as that, I just can't help it....I've been in such a funk lately it's horrible. I don't know if "funk" is the right word really, I mean when you can't even leave your house to go to work it's more then a funk. I feel bad I'm still not calling anyone, whever people ask me to hang out I say no I'm tired. If this makes sense, I'm too depressed to even cut myself, I'm not sure if it even makes sense to me, it's like I think I want to cut myself then I'm just so apathetic I don't even bother. The only time I left my house today was to go to the store to by junk food that I could eat and throw up, even then I didn't want to leave the house. I feel like such a hermit. So I'm drinking by myself again, it helps me to feel better, why is drinking by yourself seen as so horrible? I'm glad I'm only working 23 hours this week, well since I didn't work today less then that, but I'm glad he didn't give me the full time I asked for. I just need to be alone and rest. Everytime I talk to anyone, I have to stop the urge to tell them what a good friend they were to me, and how I appreciated them, how they can do so much in life. It's gotten so hard to lie, to have a normal conversation. "Hi, how's it going? Fine, how are you? Oh everything's just dandy." I can't do it anymore. So I just try not to talk to anyone. I don't know. I just don't know what to do. I can't function. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: