Date: Apr. 08, 2002 Time: 1:32 AM My current mood is: The beauty of starvation, and getting bitten by a boa constrictor Right now I am savoring the feeling of emptiness....I've had 350 calories today, and I'm afraid to eat a zero calorie pickle. For fear that I will ruin this moment, this wonderful moment of starvation, this moment that isn't just a moment, but a stretch of time. This is what makes me happy. This feeling, I lean back in my chair and smile at how great it feels for my stomach to be wrenched in hunger. To most people, this sounds really weird I assume. To those who know what I'm saying, well then you know. Now I'm remembering last night. I didn't end up going to the Metalfest, Christopher just felt like hanging out so we just went out to eat. Except I didn't eat, ha! He begged me to get something, I felt so powerful as I said no over and over. I love it. I'm so pissed at my body lately, I'm still not losing weight even though I am restricting, well I do binge sometimes but still. It's like my body is saying "Waaaaaaaaait a minute, I know what's going on here, we've been here before, no fucking way bitch!". How annoying. Today I am 106lbs. I bet tomorrow I'll be 107lbs again, for absolutly no reason. Today at work I got bit by a boa constricter. Stupid me!!! Normally I pride myself on barely ever getting bitten by animals, both from knowing how to handle them and by having lighting quick reflexes. Today I fucked up though, I had just fed a snake so my hand smelled like mouse, and as I put the snake back in the cage another snake smelled me and ZAP I was struck at. Usually if I'm ever bitten by an animal, it's my own fault. Let's see....what else..today was pretty boring, just worked all day. I talked to Cool Eric(this guy I work with) all day, he just got back from California, lucky!!! As he told me about California, I started thinking about John. I actually pictured John, what he looks like. I never do that, usualy when I think of him it's like...I don't know, it's become that I think of talking to him on the phone or online, I never actually picture what he looks like anymore. And I realized, damn man he's fucking HOT! Seriously, now I want him...oh well! I actually haven't talked to him that much recently, I should give him a call. I'm glad I'm not all stuck on him like I used to be. Yes, I just said he's hot, but hey I can appreciate beauty right? Oh I'm so psyched, Friday I'm seeing the band Kittie!!! YAY! You know what would be the most rockin show ever? If Kittie played with Jack Off Jill....man that would be awesome! But alas, Jack Off Jill is no longer. Aaah well. Christopher is saying how he wants to drop out of school, he's in the middle of getting his PhD! That sucks to be dropping out so far into his major, but it's not what he wants to do. I'm glad I finally know what I want to do. For me, it took dropping out of college, and working in "the real world" to realize what I want in life. I know I really want to be a psychotherapist/psychologist. I'm so glad I know I want to be that, and I know Iwon't ever change my major. Well anyway, that's about it, this week I WILL lose weight, be it by weightloss or by amputation!!! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: