Date: Feb. 16, 2002 Time: 3:24 AM My current mood is: Get out the violins baby, I'm throwing another pity party I wrote an entry earlier but Diaryland was being lame and wouldn't let it go through. It wasn't really important anyway, basicly just how this random guy came up to me in a parking lot and asked if I wanted to go see Puddle Of Mudd with him, his treat, just as friends. Weird huh? During radio class that weird dude Abe sat next to me and told me about how he is trying to cheat death/old age by drinking these weird concoctions of juice. So anyway, I just got back from the goth club, hung out with Christopher there. I had a good time and all, but for some reason as I got back home the depressing thoughts hit me. Before we left, we started talking about sex. He said that since he broke up with his ex a month ago, his sex drive is lower. I guess I started thinking about it, and thinking that it probably means he is not over her yet. What if we got into a relationship, and halfway through he told me that he's still not over her and wants to go back out with her? What is the point of even dating him when he will inevitably cause me pain? What is the point of relationships anyway, I think love is a stupid idea. Everyone leaves you eventually, and will hurt you. Why bother starting something that you KNOW will hurt you? Everyone leaves me. I mean really, who the fuck invented this lame ass idea of love and relationships anyhow?? I think people as a species are not meant to be in relationships, that's why they never work out. Because we are trying to live up to some ideal that we are supposed to find "the one", well you know what there IS no "one". Ok you wanna hear something sad? Ya, I like to go hook up with guys and stuff, but do you know why? Because while I'm making out with them, they have their arms around me, hugging me. This is really lame, but yes, deep down I think that is the reason I like to hook up with guys, not cuase I want to actually do sexual things with them, I just want their arms around me, so I can pretend for a moment they are giving me a real hug. Oh boo hoo poor me. I feel bad, I'm talking to John online right basicly saying all the stuff I just wrote in here to him, I feel bad for dumping that all on him. I hate that, I just get into these moods out of no where. I had a good time tonight, I left happy. Some where I ended getting really angry/depressed. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: