Date: Nov. 03, 2001 Time: 5:36 PM My current mood is: Petco? Dad being nice? You know what I just realized? When my dad is talking to me, and he's happy, and just being in a good mood and silly...it scares the shit out of me. It makes me get very serious. I don't like it, I'm not used to it. When he's like that, inside I crave for him to be telling me what to do, argueing with me, or better yet not talking to me. Maybe cause that's what I'm used to. Cause when he's all happy and talkative, it's weird, it doesn't happen all that often. It's an odd feeling to feel fear in the face of being treated nicely. Like being treated like a friend. I went to Petco today to get some frozen rats for my snake. Sheryl called me over and said that her and Eric were trying to convince the manager to higher me back....damn! They really want me to work there, I mean I didn't even say I defintly was going to apply there or anything. Maybe I should? It's hard, cause I mean I know how to work there and what to do, hell I ran the fish department there. The problem is that I don't know if I'm strong enough mentally to do it. Will I have panick attacks again? Has it been long enough that I'll be ok to work there again? See the thing is, it would probably be good if I worked there again, cause the last bunch of jobs I've had I'm not rehirable at any of them. I always freak out and just quit without notice. It's hard for me to get a job because of that. So if I work there again, then I will be able to have a good reference. Cause I'm not a bad worker, I'm pretty good at doing my work. It's just that I'm not always mentally the stablist person around. Not that I'm crazy....I just tend to let my emotions build and build till I explode. It sucks, cause then it cancels out all the hard work I've done. Plus I miss working with animals. I don't know, I'll have to talk to my therapist about it, see what she thinks. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: