Date: Sept. 13, 2001
Time: 10:16 AM
My current mood is:
some more random bitching
Lately I"ve been being all moody and crappy. First my dad was on my back, soo annoying. He started yelling at me the other day for no reason! I wasn't even doing anything. Then my sister being a bitch, goes over to him and starts saying shit like "You're getting her an apartment, why don't you use that against her, tell her she can't have one". What a bitch! She's backstabbing me for like no reason. I'm always helping her out with shit, and now she's telling my dad to use stuff against me. She was making it like I was spoiled, saying stuff like "Oh her DADDY is getting her an apartment". Ok first of all lots of people live away at school. If I was just working, I would NOT have my dad get me an apartment, I would pay for it myself. This is just instead of living at school, cause this apartment is right behind the school. Second of all when do I ever ask for anything?? This is the first time I've ever asked for something like this, I never ask for anything. My family is always begging me to get stuff for myself, saying they will pay for me and I always tell them don't worry about it. Why is she trying to make me sound spoiled? Maybe I am? Maybe I shouldn't be asking for an apartment, maybe that is selfish. I'm going to go puke now. Ok much better. So anyway.... then I got all pissy at Bud cause I thought he wasn't listening to me when I was complaining about this to him. So he got all upset that I accused him of not listening, blah blah, but I apologized. I actually don't feel like typing all of this, but I figure this is what I've been up to the past few days, so I should update. On top of this I've gone back to puking 3 times a day, after my breif haitus of only once a day, or once every other day. It's a bit overwhelming. I've also been thinking about cutting a lot more, I keep having to remind myself not to.Ok can I just say, that Bud REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT! He doesn't mean to, but he just triggers me so much. Always saying how he "loves my belly", and just other stuff too. The other day he ran into his friend that I met once, and his friend said I was hot(ya right) and that it was cool that for my height(what???) I actually have a figure instead of being a stick. Apparently that guy knows a girl my height who is 85lbs. All I have to say is......WHAT THE FUCK? Why did Bud have to tell me that? Does he think I take that as a compliment? Apparently he does, but you know I really don't take it as one, I take it as he is pointing out my grossness. I wish I was 95lbs again, why did I have to gain so much weight?? Then he went and stole me cookies the other day, so I had to eat them even though I didn't want to so that he wouldn't feel bad. I feel so shallow saying this stuff, but it's not just being shallow, I really can't stand him touching me sometimes, to the point where it really upsets me.
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