Date: Sept. 10, 2001
Time: 1:28 PM
My current mood is:
trying not to cut
Ok I really want to cut myself right now. Not really sure why. I've just been depressed today, just thinking negative thoughts, you know, the usual. I was lying down in bed, but then I kept staring at the tv remote, wanting to take it and hit myself in the head with it...so I just got up and came on here. I wish Bud was online, I really want to talk to him. Why do I get the urge to cut myself? It seems like a strange thing to want to do, I mean I know lots of people do it I'm not the only one, but still if you think about it, what an odd thing for the mind to ask you to do. I wish I had long nails, I would scratch my arm up like I used to. No, doing that is bad, I should not want to cut myself, I'm supposed to think of ways to distract myself or get my anger out in other ways or some shit. I don't really see why it's bad to cut myself though, besides other people seeeing it. I mean it's not like I don't deserve it. If I were someone else, I'd beat the shit out of me. I'm such a loser. I should just die.
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