Date: 2001-01-15
Time: 04:50:24
My current mood is:
30lbs goddamnit
I just got back from watching the Matrix at Jim's house, on DVD! So today I hung out with Karen and Rhonna. We went into Boston, to this Middle Eastern restaurant. It's funny, we all have different hair do's, hehe. But anyway....so they didn't notice!!!! They didn't notice that I lost 30lbs!!! How? Why? Empress says that they must have noticed, that girls are just catty/jealous sometimes. I don't know. And the real kicker is, that Karen goes to Rhonna "Did you lose 5lbs?". I don't know how I feel about that. Them not noticing. I was 15lbs overweight, now I'm 15lbs underweight, does nobody notice?? Well, my goal for 93lbs is due in a week and a half, I'm just going to go for 90. And I may have to go to 88, even though I said I didn't want to. I've been pigging out all weekend, I just allowed myself to. But starting tomorrow, BAM! I'm kicking my ass! You know it's weird, I was thinking about it today, and right now it's not even about being fat or anything, I could care less. I just want to lose the weight, like almost out of spite or something. I can't really explain it. Kinda like my way of giving everyone the finger. I don't want to piss people off....or maybe I do? I'm weird. I mean a lot of times I look in the mirror and I'm like aahhhh!!! Fat!!!! But it's more then that, it's about....I can't even explain it. Like I have a secret, and I'm not sharing. "Ana" is my secret friend, she's only friends with certain people. It's an extra specially friendship, not many people know about it or truely understand it, and many are jealous of it. Many wish they could be friends with her. Ok I'm sounding retarded now, lol. Enough out of me!
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