Date: Dec. 20, 2003 Time: 2:14 PM My current mood is: Everything I need to do *By the way, I changed my Guestbook since people have complained about how crappy it was. Let me know if this one works better ok? So I've started my "exercise 5 days a week or more plus strength training 3 times a week" plan. Yep, and NO backing down. This is what everyone is supposed to do anyway, so I need to keep reminding myself that less then that is doing less then I should be! Also, I got a Richard Simmons Sweatin to the 80's tape, yeah!!! Hehe. So if I'm too lazy to go to the gym, I can still exercise at home so there is no excuse. Except yesterday I didn't exercise, though I did walk around the mall for awhile...eh, I will count that as my day off. I'm not necessarily trying to lose weight(though that would be nice), I'm mostly trying to get more fit and lower my body fat. Repeated losing and gaining weight over the years has really upped my body fat. Basiclly, when you lose weight by starving/purging, you're losing both fat and muscle. Then when you gain it, you're gaining back mostly fat, unless you work out a lot. Which I haven't. So even if I weigh the same as I used to before my ED(I'm not sure if I do, but let's just say), I look fatter/flabbier. Plus I'm definitly not as strong as I used to be, so I know I lost muscle. So yeah, my aim is to have the same muscle/fat ratio as I used to have pre-ED, and then hopefully lower then that(if I can). For Chanukah my sister gave me a belly ring that says "Eat Me", hehe! I'll have to put it in later. So I've decided to spend less time on the internet. Someone wrote something to me which really made me think about things. It made me realize that I spend a lot of time online because it's comfortable. It's more comfortable then dealing with people in real life. Because online, I'm not shy. I have little anxiety. But in real life, I'm afraid of everyone. I'm even anxious around my friends, friends I've had for 10+ years! Yes, that's a problem. But it's a problem I need to deal with, instead of avoid. It may be easier to talk to people online, but why should life be easy? How will I ever face my fears and deal with them if I hide? I don't even know if my social fears can be "fixed". But either way, I should try right? So yeah. This shouldn't affect how often I write in my diary though. I'm going to talk to my therapist about my people anxiety next time I see her. I really want to change my room. Watching Queer Eye makes me want to do all this cool stuff to it, lol. Seriously though, I'm going to take down all my posters. I'm not sure what I will put up instead. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: