Date: Dec. 14, 2003 Time: 11:35 AM My current mood is: My boobs!! My boobs are huge. They're now a size D, fortunatly a small D though, so I can still fit into my bras. This has been totally freaking me out, cause normally this happens when I gain weight...so I gained weight?? I don't know if I did. I mean I know I did awhile ago, but just this past week my boobs grew. It's hard to tell if I've gained cause, well, you know how it is, me and my fucked up body image, I always think I gained. But honestly part of me thinks I haven't, I think it's from my new birth control. I've read that this is fairly common with birth control. My boobs hurt too. But my boyfriend is happy lol. I was going to go to Steve's party on Friday, but I got all down and didn't want to go. I felt bad cause I had alreaedy invited Jon and Hilary, so I told Jon why I didn't want to go and asked him to call Hilary and say I had too much school work. Apparently she seemed mad. I haven't done much of anything this weekend, just sit around and mope. I've just been so down. And I've been purging everyday for the past several days :( Last night Jon came over. I felt bad cause he apologized to me for saying I love you, cause he said he didn't want to hurt me. He said whenever he says it, I look sad and hurt. I felt so bad I told him he shouldn't apologize, that I just have issues and I need to get used to it. I tried to explain how I felt about the whole I love you thing, but it was hard to explain. Every time we say it, it's like it burns. It's like speaking in a big roomful of people. He asked if I was glad he said it to me, and I said yes, but inside I'm not so sure. I think I would rather we not say it, that we never say it. We could even move in together and I would rather not say it. I just still don't understand why people say it, or why it's a good thing. It's not that I don't care about him, I do, but I just don't see why I'm supposed to tell him? Maybe I'm just a cold hearted bitch. I'm like ice. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: