Date: Apr. 18, 2002 Time: 7:42 AM My current mood is: My mouth hurts, and saw VNV Nation Yes, it is 7 in the fucking morning! Why why why can't I be sleeping? Well I'll tell ya, 2 reasons.. 1)It's hard for me to sleep for more then 5 hours at a time when I starve myself and 2)My mouth is killing me!! I literally kept waking up during the night from my jaw hurting so much, it SUCKS. I have this jaw problem called TMJ, and I have no idea what that stands for, some long weird name. It's caused by stress, basicly I clench my teeth really hard at night which is NOT good, cause then sometimes it pops out of place! Then I can't open my mouth more then a half an inch, and that is quite annoying as you could imagine. I don't know why it's getting worse again lately, I'm not under stress....NO! EVERYTHING IS JUST DANDY. Yup. I think. Actually what I think, is that the little elves(or were they midgets?) that made me in the factory, did a really shoddy job at it. I mean seriously, I'm NOT quality work here. If I had a receipt I'd return myself, lol! My body is constantly popping out of place or not in the right alignment, can't digest milk/certain foods....although I can do tons of cool party tricks with my hands cause I can dislocate my fingers and stuff! I constantly have to crack my toes, cause if I don't they fall out of the sockets, it hurts sooo much when my big toe falls out. I wish I was sleeping right now, I'm going to be so tired later on. Hilary and I saw VNV Nation last night! We saw them once before, they're pretty cool. They're like dance industrial, with really cool lyrics. I can't believe it was SO hot out yesterday! 94 degrees! Then when we went to the concert it suddenly dropped and it was freezing, but hey that's New England for ya. Yesterday I ate in the school cafeteria, it was torture. I don't know why, I just don't like eating in public now. Of course I paid $4 to get in and just ate a bowl of cereal. But just looking around, at the other people eating, it just scared me and grossed me out. I mean I don't even yern for food anymore, when I look at someone eating something "good", it just sickens me. My dad bought me a present yesterday, which is odd. It's a big chocolate Easter Bunny....ummm, I guess that was nice of him but I can't eat that. I wonder if that is his way of telling me to eat more? Yes dad, by eating a chocolate bunny all my problems will vanish, I will be safe, the world will be in harmony. I don't mean to sound bitter or ungrateful, it's just hard when someone gives you something like that, and you know you can't eat it. Like the other day, my friend Will came to my work, he works at a pet store too so we both visit each other. Anyway, he brought me this bag of Easter candy that he had forgotten to give to me on Easter(no I don't celebrate Easter but that's ok), it was sooo sweet of him! It made me feel awful to know I'd have to just throw it away or give it away, cause it really brightened my day. I just left it at work and wrote "Free Food!" on it. Katie and I both realized we have really shitty scales! Well, I already knew mine was broken, and I started complaining to her about it and hers was having the exact same problem! Then we realized we bought the same scale from the same store, rot in hell Walmart!! Both of our scales are reading higher then they should, and get stuck at numbers. She was so realived when I told her this, she was upset cause she's been restricting and her scale said she actually gained weight. So ya, I still weigh myself on my stupid broken scale like everyday, I have no idea why. Stupid huh? I think just to make myself feel fat or punish myself, cause it says I weigh more then I do, I'm so weird. I was really surprised yesterday actually, Hilary's roomate said to me "God I wish I had your figure!", it's weird cause before I wished I was as thin as her, so to hear her say that was odd. Ok ok, enough talking about weight!!!! Uffff, my throat itches, I hope I'm not getting sick, I hope it's just from smoking too many cigerettes and singing too much in the car, I'm such a dork, lol! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: