Date: Dec. 04, 2003 Time: 3:23 PM My current mood is: Lost, fat, upset Everything sucks today. I'm wearing my new green sweater I bought, and I look positivly fat in it. I can SEE my love handles budging out. So I eat cookies, chips, whatever. For some reason when I need to do things, I do the opposite. Like my final paper that is due today. It's due in a half an hour, which is when my class starts. I'm not going to class, and I haven't done my paper. I tried but I couldn't make myself write it, I nervously did anything and everything else to avoid it, even did laundry for godsakes. And another big paper due tomorrow. I just want to sleep for a week. Why do I not due papers when they're do? Why do I not exercise and eat crap when I know I weigh too much? It's that anxious apathy, the knowing that it is better to avoid and to fail, then to bother trying at all. Obviously not true all the time, but it's that mindset you know? That "fuck it" mentality, always gets me in the end. At least I had all the articles for my paper picked out, saved on my favorites list. Yet my computer refuses to work now, I'm on my dad's right now. Knowing I'd now need to go back and re-find the articles just threw me deeper into my mood. I didn't go to any classes today. As I do every semester as it's closing, I wish and pray that it was already over so I could just relax, just hide my head under the covers in bed and lie there for hours, not needing to be anywhere or do anything. I don't even want to stop writing this entry, cause I feel like I'm talking to someone, yet I know I'm not. What do I do once I stop writing, after I click Submit? Then once again I am lost and reminded that with each minute, a minute is wasted, that I'm failing, time going by all too quick before I can get a grasp on it. I just want to take a nap, maybe when I wake up it will be in another dimension. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: